


The Hivweblock

by 2x2verse (agent_florida)



Series: The Hivweblock [2]
Category: Homestuck, The Room (2003)
Genre: Adaptation, Coitus Interruptus, Deliberate Badfic, Domestic Violence, Drinking, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Gun Violence, Infidelity, Roses, Screenplay/Script Format, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 03:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 16,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5318150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_florida/pseuds/2x2verse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus immortalizes his friends, lovers, and enemies in a poignant script about love and betrayal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ampora Films logo.  
  
Opening credits play against generic footage of CRONUS stalking about the dreambubbles.  
  
Exterior shot of CRONUS's scuttlebuggy pulling up outside his hive.  
  
CRONUS enters the livingblock.  
  
CRONUS: hi babe! i havwe something for you.  
ARANEA: What is it?  
CRONUS: just a vweensy something.  
  
CRONUS playfully hides the package, then presents it to ARANEA. She opens it to find a red dress.  
  
ARANEA: Cronus, it's 8eautiful. Thank you. May I try it on now?  
CRONUS: sure, its yours nowv.  
ARANEA: W8 right here.  
  
ARANEA grabs CRONUS's tie and kisses him.  
  
ARANEA: I'll try it on r8ght now.  
  
CRONUS sits down. Cut to ARANEA reemerging from the stairs in the red dress.  
  
CRONUS: vwowv, you look so sexy, aranea.  
ARANEA: Isn't it gr8?  
CRONUS: i vwould do anything for my m8sprit. uh, my gillfrond. uh, i mean, my girlfriend. matesprit.  
  
Enter ERIDAN.  
  
ERIDAN: oh hey wwhats up  
CRONUS: oh hi, eri.  
ERIDAN: wwoww look at you  
ARANEA: It's from Cronus.  
CRONUS: i vwould do anything for my princess!  
ERIDAN: howw much wwas it  
ARANEA: 8ridan, don't ask a question like that!  
CRONUS: nice to see you eri. im going to bed nowv.  
ERIDAN: can i go wwith you?  
CRONUS: lmao.  
ARANEA: 8ridan, I think I'm going to join him.  
CRONUS: lmfao.  
  
ARANEA and CRONUS exit upstairs, speaking barely audibly.  
  
ARANEA: I have some candles upstairs.  
CRONUS: you alvways think. alright, im ready, 8a8e.  
ARANEA: This is so pretty. I can't w8 for you to get it off of me.  
CRONUS: vwowvie vwowv.  
  
ERIDAN takes a bite of an apple, then follows them upstairs. In the respiteblock, CRONUS and ARANEA start a pillow fight.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat a laugh. oh ouch, you got me!  
  
ERIDAN joins in and gets clobbered as everyone laughs.  
  
ERIDAN: oww stop  
CRONUS: eri, dont you havwe something else to do?  
ERIDAN: i just like to wwatch you twwo  
ARANEA: Oh, 8ridan, my 8oy.  
CRONUS: eri, twvo is great, but threes a crowvd, get it?  
ERIDAN: i get it  
ERIDAN: you twwo wwanna be alone  
CRONUS: thats the idea, champ.  
ERIDAN: fine i havve homewwork to do anywway  
ERIDAN: bye lovvebirds  
CRONUS: seeya, eri.  
ARANEA: Good8ye, 8ridan.  
  
ERIDAN exits, and a three-minute love scene commences, scored to terrible R&B. There's a lot of water and thornflower petals and naked rumblespheres. CRONUS fucks ARANEA's stomach dimple. Afterwards they lie awkwardly in bed together, and ARANEA seems bored with CRONUSM as he sleeps.  
  
The alarm clock goes off at :28. CRONUS gets up, smells a thornflower, and bares his ass to the camera. He emerges from the ablutionblock dressed for work and greets ARANEA.  
  
CRONUS: did you like vwhat i did last night, babe?  
ARANEA: Of course I did.  
CRONUS: awvesome.  
ARANEA: Can I get you anything 8efore you leave?  
CRONUS: nope. i havwe to go nowv.  
ARANEA: Ok, good8ye.  
CRONUS: bye.  
  
CRONUS exits.


	2. Chapter 2

Cut to an exterior nighttime shot of the hive, then to the livingblock. ARANEA answers the door, and MEENAH enters.  
  
ARANEA: Hello, Miss Peixes, how are you today?  
MEENAH: im fine how the shell are you  
MEENAH: ok lets go to the conch  
MEENAH: conciliatory cushions  
MEENAH: and whale sit down and have a good old fashioned morayeel meeting  
MEENAH: whats good serket  
ARANEA: Not much. Do you want some coffee?  
MEENAH: somefin is wrong tell me whats up  
ARANEA: I'm merely not feeling well today.  
MEENAH: the shell not  
ARANEA: I don't pity Cronus anymore. Not in that w8y.  
MEENAH: why naut gimme deets  
ARANEA: He's so 8oring.  
MEENAH: da fuq  
MEENAH: you known him for five sweeps or somefin  
MEENAH: youre near entwined  
MEENAH: you said you pitied him  
MEENAH: he supports you  
MEENAH: he provides for you  
MEENAH: pale grrl you cant support yourshellf  
MEENAH: hes a nice guy  
MEENAH: he pities the shell outta you  
MEENAH: hes a betta caste than you  
MEENAH: and he told me hes gonna buy you a hive  
ARANEA: That's why he's so 8oring!  
MEENAH: whale  
MEENAH: water you gonna do  
ARANEA: I don't know. I don't mind living with him for now while I m8ke up my mind.  
MEENAH: you cant just do that to a troll you dont feel that way aboat anemonemore  
MEENAH: you glub at him about it?  
ARANEA: No. To be perfectly honest, I don't know what to do.  
MEENAH: whale  
MEENAH: hes such a nice guy  
MEENAH: hes getting a promotion reel soon  
MEENAH: he bought you a scuttlebuggy  
MEENAH: he bought you all dis bling  
MEENAH: duds  
MEENAH: waterever you wanted  
MEENAH: now you wanna throw him back for some other fish in the sea  
MEENAH: that aint right sis  
MEENAH: i always thought of him as my cross quad  
MEENAH: you shelld serendipiseal cronus  
MEENAH: hed be good for you  
ARANEA: I guess you're right about that.  
MEENAH: whale of course im right  
MEENAH: i know seadwellers  
MEENAH: i wasnt hatched yesterday  
MEENAH: im glad youre glubbin your morayeel  
MEENAH: nobody else listens to me  
ARANEA: You're probably right about that, Meenah.  
MEENAH: whale im glad youre listening to your morayeel  
MEENAH: listen i gotta go  
MEENAH: remember what i told you ya hear  
MEENAH: im out  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
ARANEA: (sarcastically) Thanks, moirail.


	3. Chapter 3

The same block, later in the night. ARANEA picks up the telecommunicator and PORRIM answers on the other end.  
  
PORRIM: Hello+?  
ARANEA: Hey 8a8y, how are you doing?  
PORRIM: O+h hello+, Aranea, ho+w are yo+u do+ing? I'm very busy, what's go+ing o+n?  
ARANEA: I just finished talking with my moirail. She gave me this 8ig lecture about Cronus.  
PORRIM: That's quite so+me talk, co+ming fro+m yo+ur mo+uth. Lo+o+k, we'll talk about it later. I to+ld yo+u, I'm very busy.  
ARANEA: We'll talk about it n8w! Whenever you say we'll talk about it later, we never do. I can't wait until later. I want to talk r8ght now. You owe me one anyway.  
PORRIM: O+k, so be it. Alright, what do+ yo+u want to+ talk abo+ut?  
ARANEA: She's a stupid fish8itch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it.  
ARANEA: What do you think I should do, Porrim?  
PORRIM: Yo+u just said yo+u wo+uld do+ whatever yo+u wanted. Why wo+uld yo+u ask me? I do+n't kno+w what yo+u want.  
PORRIM: Yo+u kno+w, yo+u've been very happy with Cro+nus. What do+ yo+u want me to+ say? Yo+u sho+uld enjo+y yo+ur life. What's the pro+blem?  
ARANEA: M8y8e you're right. Can I see you tomorrow night?  
PORRIM: O+k. Ho+w abo+ut midnight?  
ARANEA: I'll be w8ting for you. 8ye.  
PORRIM: Alright, see you.  
  
Cut to gratuitous footage of a cable car in the dreambubbles.  
  
Back in the hiveblock, ARANEA answers the door. PORRIM enters.  
  
PORRIM: Hi. Ho+w are yo+u do+ing?  
ARANEA: I'm fine. Come in. Have a seat.  
  
They are silent while ARANEA pours wine and offers it.  
  
PORRIM: Thank yo+u.  
ARANEA: It's hot in here.  
  
ARANEA unbuttons the top of her blouse.  
  
ARANEA: Do you mind?  
PORRIM: No+.  
  
ARANEA approaches PORRIM in her strapless black dress.  
  
PORRIM: The candles, the music, the sexy dress? What's go+ing o+n here?  
ARANEA: I like you v8ry much, lover8a8e.  
PORRIM: What are yo+u do+ing this fo+r?  
ARANEA: What's the matter? Don't you like me? I'm your girl, right, 8a8e?  
PORRIM: Cro+nus is my best friend, Aranea. Yo+u're go+ing to+ be serendipisealed next perigee. Come o+n.  
ARANEA: Forget about Cronus. This is 8etween you and me.  
PORRIM: I do+n't think so+. I'm leaving no+w.  
ARANEA: Please don't leave, 8a8e. Please don't leave. I need you. I pity you, I h8te you, I pale you--I want you in all of my quadrants. I don't want to get serendipisealed anymore. I don't pity Cronus. I dream about you. I need you to get flush with me. R8ght now.  
PORRIM: I do+n't think so+. Everything's go+ing to+ be fine, I pro+mise.  
  
They proceed to kiss, then have fully clothed three-minute sex on the spiral stairs to the tune of terrible R&B ("you are my thornflower").  
  
PORRIM: Why did yo+u do+ this to+ me? Why? Cro+nus is my best friend. We've been friends since the day he hatched.  
ARANEA: Didn't you enjoy it, 8a8e?  
PORRIM: That's no+t the po+int.  
ARANEA: I pity you, Porrim. You know that, r8ght?  
PORRIM: Lo+o+k, yo+u're very attractive, alright? You're beautiful. But we can't do+ this anymo+re. I can't hurt Cro+nus.  
ARANEA: I know. He's your best friend.  
PORRIM: Hey. This will be o+ur secret.  
  
They kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

Cut to exterior shot of a hilly dreambubble street. CRONUS's scuttlebuggy pulls up to a flower shop. CRONUS enters the flower shop.  
  
CRONUS: hey.  
JADE: can i help you?  
CRONUS: (removing sunglasses) yeah, can i havwe a dozen red thornflowvers.  
JADE: oh hi cronus i didnt know it was you!  
JADE: here you go  
CRONUS: thats me! howv much?  
JADE: eighteen boonbucks  
CRONUS: here vwe are. keep the change.  
CRONUS: hi doggy!  
JADE: youre my favorite customer!!  
CRONUS: thanks a lot, bye!  
JADE: byebye :D  
  
CRONUS exits with the thornflowers and gets in his scuttlebuggy.  
  
Cut to ARANEA in the hiveblock, talking on the telecommunicator.  
  
ARANEA: Yes, this is for delivery. 555-4eight2eight. Half North 8eforus 8acon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Thanks.  
  
She hangs up, and the entrychime rings.  
  
ARANEA: Who is it?  
ERIDAN: eridan  
ARANEA: Hey 8ridan, how are you doing?  
ERIDAN: im fin thanks for askin  
ERIDAN: wwhats neww  
ARANEA: Actually, I'm really busy. Do you want something to drink?  
ERIDAN: no thanks  
ERIDAN: i just wwant to talk to cro  
ERIDAN: you look vvery beautiful today  
ERIDAN: i wwanna kiss you  
ERIDAN: can i kiss you  
ARANEA: You are such a little 8rat!  
ERIDAN: im just kidding  
ERIDAN: i lovve you and cro  
ARANEA: Ok, ok. Cronus will 8e here any minute. You can w8t if you want.  
ERIDAN: i gotta go  
ERIDAN: tell cro i stopped by  
ARANEA: Of course.  
ERIDAN: bye  
ARANEA: 8ye, 8ridan.  
  
Cut to exterior shot of the hive. CRONUS's scuttlebuggy pulls up.  
  
CRONUS enters the hiveblock.  
  
CRONUS: hi 8a8e. these are for you.  
  
CRONUS presents a bouquet of thornflowers.  
  
ARANEA: Thank you, honey. They're 8eautiful.  
ARANEA: Did you get your promotion?  
CRONUS: nah.  
ARANEA: You didn't get it, did you?  
CRONUS: that son of a beach told me that i vwould get it vwithin three perigees.  
CRONUS: i savwe them bundles.  
CRONUS: theyre obvwiously crazy to pass up a great guy like me.  
CRONUS: i dont think i vwill ever get it at this point.  
CRONUS: they betrayed me.  
CRONUS: they didnt keep their promise that they vwould promote me for vworking so hard.  
CRONUS: they tricked me. the bastards.  
CRONUS: vwhatevwer. i dont care anymore.  
ARANEA: Did you tell them how much you save them?  
CRONUS: of course. vwhat did you think?  
CRONUS: they already put my ideas into practice evwery day.  
CRONUS: the place savwes money boonbuck over fist.  
CRONUS: theyre treating me like im some fool vwho vwill do vwhatevwer they say.  
ARANEA: I still pity you.  
CRONUS: youd better. youre the only one vwho does.  
ARANEA: At least you have friends. I didn't get any calls tonight. You're right. The computer 8usiness is too competitive.  
ARANEA: Do you want me to order a pizza?  
CRONUS: vwhatevwer. i dont care.  
ARANEA: I already ordered a pizza! Lucky you.  
CRONUS: you think about evwerything.  
ARANEA: What's the matter? Are you alright? It's just a lousy promotion.  
ARANEA: You know what you need? I 8elieve you need a drink.  
CRONUS: i dont drink! you knowv that. i just let other people drink and then make fun of them vwithout mercy or remorse.  
  
Cut to ARANEA emerging from the kitchen with, it seems, scotch and vodka.  
  
CRONUS: invwigorating.  
  
She mixes them to form scotchka.  
  
ARANEA: Don't worry about it. It's good for you.  
CRONUS: you must be crazy. just like those bastards at vwork.  
CRONUS: i cant drink this svwill.  
ARANEA: If you love me, you'll drink this.  
  
She raises his glass to his mouth and he drinks.  
  
CRONUS: youre right. it tastes good.  
ARANEA: I know. I am right, aren't I.  
ARANEA: Don't worry about those 8astards. You're a good man. Drink and let's have some fun.  
  
They drink. Cut to later, when they have had quite a bit to drink and ARANEA is now wearing CRONUS's tie as a headband.  
  
CRONUS: ha ha ha. lmao.  
  
ARANEA laughs hysterically. CRONUS drops and shatters a glass.  
  
CRONUS: you havwe nice legs ara. lmfao.  
ARANEA: (laughing) You have a nice chest. These 8eautiful gillslits.  
CRONUS: lmao.  
CRONUS: im tired. im vwasted.  
CRONUS: i pity you so much, lovwe.  
ARANEA: Come on, get flush with me.  
CRONUS: vwhen would i evwer say no to that?  
ARANEA: Come on, you owe me one.  
CRONUS: pity you, babe.  
ARANEA: I pity you, Cronus.  
  
She rips open his shirt. They make out on the conciliatory cushions, and then we cut to the respiteblock for a lovemaking sequence that seems to be recut from their previous lovemaking sequence, but with a different terrible R&B song. Mercifully, it only lasts for about a minute.  
  
Cut to the famous "painted ladies" of the dreambubbles.


	5. Chapter 5

Cut to the hiveblock.  
  
ARANEA: So I'm organizing the party for Cronus's wriggling day. Can you come?  
MEENAH: when is it  
ARANEA: Next Condesceday at six. It's supposed to 8e a surprise. You can 8ring someone if you want.  
MEENAH: whale shore i can come  
MEENAH: but i dont know if ill bring anemonebody  
MEENAH: oh that reminds me of that bitch fef  
MEENAH: she wants me to give her a share of my planet  
MEENAH: that planet belongs to me she got no right to it  
MEENAH: i aint giving her a single shred of gold  
MEENAH: the shell does she think she is  
ARANEA: She's your c8stem8te!  
MEENAH: she always bugging me about my hive  
MEENAH: forever ago we agreed that place belongs to me  
MEENAH: now the value of the planet is going up and she got boondollar signs in her eyes  
MEENAH: everyfin goes wrong at once  
MEENAH: nobody wants to help me and im dyin here  
ARANEA: You're not dying, Meenah, stop 8eing so histrionic.  
MEENAH: i got the results of the test back  
MEENAH: i definitely got minajitis  
ARANEA: Look, don't worry about it. Everything will 8e fine. They're curing lots of people every day.  
MEENAH: i betta be fine im fine as shell  
MEENAH: oh that reminds me i heard that bitch damz is talking shit aboat me  
MEENAH: she is a hateful little troll  
MEENAH: im so glad i got the shell outta there  
ARANEA: Don't worry about it. Just concentr8te on getting well.  
MEENAH: whale at least you got a good matesprit  
ARANEA: You're wrong! Meenah, he's not what you think he is. He didn't g8t his promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me!  
MEENAH: crocro dont drink hes such a glubbin lightweight  
MEENAH: water you talkin aboat  
ARANEA: He did last night. And I don't pity him anymore.  
MEENAH: cronus is your financial security  
MEENAH: you cant affjord to ignore this  
ARANEA: Yeah, ok, Meenah. Can I just talk to you l8ter?  
MEENAH: you dont wanna talk to me  
ARANEA: I just finished talking with a client, and I have to get ready to meet him. Can I just talk to you later?  
MEENAH: ok ill see ya later  
MEENAH: peixes out  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
Cut to an exterior shot of the hive.


	6. Chapter 6

Cut to the hiveblock. LATULA and MITUNA enter, nervously.  
  
LATULA: how much t1m3 w3 got, b1g boy?  
MITUNA: FUJK 1 D0N7 KN0W M4Y83 A C0PP3L H0UR5 47 L3457 F0R M3 TW0 R1P 0FF 4LLLLLLLL Y0UR CL07H35 4ND G17 GUD  
LATULA: w3ll, th3n, l3t's h4v3 som3 fun, my m4n.  
  
They sit on the conciliatory cushions, and MITUNA opens a box of chocolates.  
  
MITUNA: DUD Y0U KN0W 7H47 CH0CL4T3Y B175 15 4 SYN80L 0F FU1KC  
MITUNA: 1 M34N L0V3 50RRY  
MITUNA: P17HY  
MITUNA: WH473V3R L375 FUCJKK  
LATULA: (laughing) f33d m3, b34st boy.  
  
MITUNA puts a chocolate in LATULA's mouth and then makes out with her. He puts a chocolate on her chest and eats it off of her.  
  
LATULA: 34t 1t up, b4by.  
MITUNA: Y0U3R FUCJ1NG D3L1C10U5 8483  
LATULA: 4rms up, sw33t13.  
  
She zips MITUNA's bodysuit open down to his waist.  
  
LATULA: so, chocol4t3 1s 4 symbol of lov3, huh?  
  
LATULA places a chocolate in MITUNA's mouth and then makes out with him. She starts to go down on him, although he begins reacting with comically exaggerated orgasm faces before she's in position to do anything.  
  
Cut to an exterior shot of the painted ladies.  
  
Cut to the hiveblock, where MITUNA and LATULA are startled by ARANEA and MEENAH entering.  
  
MEENAH: um hello  
MEENAH: water these characters doin here  
ARANEA: They like to come here to do their... homework.  
MEENAH: da fuq kinda schoolwork is that  
ARANEA: Meenah, this is Latula's m8tesprit Mituna. Mituna, this is my moirail.  
MITUNA: 5W337 74 M337CH4  
MEENAH: im shore  
LATULA: so, w3'r3 gonn4 go.  
  
MITUNA and LATULA exit.  
  
MEENAH: shit all that shopping tired me the fuck out  
  
ERIDAN enters.  
  
ERIDAN: hi ara  
ARANEA: Hello, 8ridan. 8ridan, this is my moirail. Meenah, this is 8ridan.  
MEENAH: how many trolls come in and outta this hivestem every night damn  
MEENAH: this is worse than some dreambubble connection hub  
ERIDAN: i just need to borroww some swweetener  
ARANEA: Help yourself, 8ridan.  
ERIDAN: i also need a cup a wwheat germ and half a stick a curdled dairy  
MEENAH: dont your hive have a foodblock  
ERIDAN: ill come back later wwhen i wwont get yelled at for existin  
  
ERIDAN exits.  
  
MEENAH: what does eridan do  
ARANEA: Can I infodump on you?  
MEENAH: you know the terms  
ARANEA: Cronus wanted to adopt 8ridan. It's really a tragedy how many grubs out there don't have a lusus. When 8ridan turned nine sweeps, Cronus found him a little place here in this hivestem and he's paying for it until 8ridan gradu8tes from school. Cronus really likes 8ridan, even though he doesn't say it much. He's like an ancestor figure to 8ridan. I told you, Meenah, Cronus is very caring about the people in his life. And he gave 8ridan his own set of keys to our place.  
ARANEA: And, as promised, here's your money.  
MEENAH: just dont hurt cronus  
MEENAH: if you really dont pity him so be it  
MEENAH: but you shelld tell him  
  
MITUNA enters.  
  
MITUNA: 1 F0RG07 MY 80NG  
MITUNA: 1 M34N 80NK  
MITUNA: 1 M34N 800K  
  
He grabs a book, but somehow, this leads to MEENAH holding his underwear.  
  
MEENAH: da fuq is dis  
  
Everyone laughs.  
  
MITUNA: 5HU5 7H3H3CK UP 834CH  
  
MITUNA takes the underwear and exits as everyone continues to laugh.  
  
MEENAH: schoolwork  
MEENAH: yeah right  
ARANEA: (laughing) Don't worry about it.  
MEENAH: if i were a thief you would be my best friend  
MEENAH: and i am so you are  
ARANEA: Look, I don't want to talk about it.  
MEENAH: i worry about you sometimes  
MEENAH: gotta go hive  
ARANEA: Ok, Meenah.  
MEENAH: seeya  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
ARANEA: (sighing) Oh my lord.  
  
Cut to exterior shot of the dreambubble skyline.


	7. Chapter 7

Cut to the roof, where ERIDAN is dribbling a sportsball. This scene is in HD for some reason. CALIBORN enters.  
  
CALIBORN: HEY, ASSHOLE.  
ERIDAN: caliborn  
ERIDAN: ivve been lookin for you  
CALIBORN: YEAH. SuRE YOu HAVE.  
CALIBORN: YOu HAVE MY MONEY. RIGHT.  
ERIDAN: yeah its comin  
ERIDAN: itll be here in a feww minutes  
CALIBORN: WHAT DO YOu MEAN. IT'S COMING. ERIDAN. WHERE'S MY MONEY.  
ERIDAN: ok just givve me fivve minutes  
ERIDAN: just givve me fivve  
CALIBORN: FIVE MINuTES.  
CALIBORN: YOu WANT FIVE FuCKING MINuTES. ERIDAN.  
CALIBORN: YOu KNOW WHAT.  
CALIBORN: I HAVEN'T GOT. FIVE. FuCKING. MINuTES.  
  
CALIBORN pulls a gun on ERIDAN.  
  
CALIBORN: I'M GOING TO ASK YOu AGAIN.  
CALIBORN: ERIDAN. WHERE'S MY MONEY.  
ERIDAN: i dont havve anyfin  
CALIBORN: WHERE'S MY MONEY, ERIDAN.  
CALIBORN: WHERE'S MY FuCKING MONEY, ERIDAN.  
CALIBORN: WHAT'D YOu DO WITH MY FuCKING MONEY.  
ERIDAN: i swwear to you its comin  
CALIBORN: WHERE'S MY FuCKING MONEY. ERIDAN.  
ERIDAN: put the gun dowwn  
  
PORRIM and CRONUS enter.  
  
CALIBORN: MY FuCKING MONEY.  
CALIBORN: WHERE'S. MY. FuCKING. MONEY. ERIDAN.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM grab CALIBORN and disarm him. ARANEA and MEENAH enter, or rather, they are suddenly in the scene without explanation.  
  
ARANEA: What's g8ing 8n?!  
CRONUS: lets take him to the police. no more than he deservwes.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM haul CALIBORN away amid indecipherable commotion.  
  
ARANEA: 8ridan, are you ok? What d8d that man w8nt from you?  
ERIDAN: nothin  
MEENAH: no way that was nofin  
ARANEA: T8ll me everyth8ng!  
MEENAH: you got no idea the kinna trouble you in here do ya  
ERIDAN: i owwe him some money  
ARANEA: Wh8t k8nd of money?  
PORRIM: Mo+no+po+ly mo+ney? Celtic ring mo+ney?  
ERIDAN: i just owwe him some money ok  
ARANEA: Wh8t k8nd 8f m8ney, 8ridan?  
ERIDAN: everyfins ok noww hes gone  
MEENAH: bullshark is everyfin ok  
MEENAH: eridamn that is a dangerous man  
ERIDAN: clam dowwn hes goin ta jail  
ARANEA: 8ridan, what k8nd of m8ney? J8ST T8LL ME!  
MEENAH: da fuq you need moolah that bad for  
ARANEA: Meenah, please, 8ridan is with me and Cronus!  
MEENAH: man like that with a fukken gun  
MEENAH: horrorterrors bless  
ARANEA: 8ridan, look at me in the eyes, all 8 of them, and tell me the truth. We're your fr8ends.  
PORRIM: Her mo+irail, who+ she just screamed at, is yo+ur friend, Eridan.  
ERIDAN: i bought some drugs off a him a wways back  
ERIDAN: things got mixed up somehoww  
ERIDAN: i didnt wwant this to happen  
ARANEA: (sobbing theatrically) 8ridan...  
ERIDAN: i dont have them right noww  
ARANEA: What kind of drugs, 8ridan?  
ERIDAN: it doesnt matter i dont havve them anymore  
MEENAH: doesnt matter like shell it doesnt matter  
MEENAH: how the shell else you get involved with drugs  
MEENAH: the fuck were you doin with em  
MEENAH: was it giving them to him  
MEENAH: were you selling them to him?  
MEENAH: what kinna dredged up reef you meet him at  
ARANEA: What kind of drugs do you t8ke?  
ERIDAN: its nofin like that i swwear  
ARANEA: Wh8t th8 h8ll 8s wr8ng w8th y8u????????  
ERIDAN: i just needed some money to pay off some stuff i aint a fuckin wwader  
ARANEA: H8w much do y8u h8ve to give h8m?  
MEENAH: this aint the way you make boonbucks small fry  
ARANEA: H8w m8ch?  
ERIDAN: stop ganging up on me! wweh!  
MEENAH: about time somebody ganged up on you chumbucket  
MEENAH: man like that  
MEENAH: where the shell you meet a cherub like that  
ERIDAN: it doesnt matter noww  
MEENAH: shell no it fukken matters  
MEENAH: cherub holds a gun on you  
MEENAH: near turns you to shark bait  
MEENAH: and you expect me to forget that happened  
ERIDAN: youre not my fuckin moirail!  
MEENAH: you listen to me buoy  
ARANEA: N8!  
MEENAH: somebuoydy betta do somefin around here  
  
ARANEA hugs and comforts ERIDAN in her dirty pillows. CRONUS enters.  
  
CRONUS: you ok, eri?  
ERIDAN: im fin  
CRONUS: are you ok?  
ERIDAN: im ok  
  
PORRIM has materialized behind MEENAH and ARANEA.  
  
MEENAH: aint nofin ok about this  
MEENAH: hes takin drugs  
PORRIM: Co+me o+n, sto+p, it was a mistake.  
MEENAH: a mistake  
MEENAH: that he takes drugs  
MEENAH: rrrrrrrright  
CRONUS: lets go hivwe, huh?  
PORRIM: Co+me o+n, it's clear.  
MEENAH: whats clear  
MEENAH: im callin the pigs  
PORRIM: I just said it's clear. Whatever it is, it is o+fficially clear.  
ARANEA: Meenah, stop, it was 8ridan's mistake, just st8p!  
PORRIM: Let's go+.  
  
PORRIM and MEENAH exit.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy did you do that? you knowv better, right? vwhy?  
ERIDAN: im vvery sorry  
CRONUS: you knowv better, eri. vwe almost lost you.  
ERIDAN: im sorry it wwont happen again i promise  
ARANEA: 8ridan, you know that Cronus is like your lusus. And we're your friends. We're going to help you.  
CRONUS: lets go hivwe.  
  
Everyone exits.


	8. Chapter 8

Cut to PORRIM on the telecommunicator with ARANEA.  
  
ARANEA: I miss you.  
PORRIM: I just saw yo+u! What are yo+u talking about?  
ARANEA: I'm just wanting to hear your sexy voice. I keep thinking about your strong hands around my 8ody. It excites me so much. I pity you.  
PORRIM: Is Cro+nus there?  
ARANEA: He's... in the shower.  
PORRIM: So+aping his genitals?  
PORRIM: I do+n't understand yo+u. Why do+ yo+u do+ things like this?  
ARANEA: 8ecause I pity you. You just don't care, do you?  
PORRIM: I do+ care. But we agreed, it's o+ver between us.  
ARANEA: I understand, it's our secret. 8ut I still have feelings for you. You just don't care.  
PORRIM: I do+ care! We literally just had this argument, ho+w can yo+u no+t remember this?  
ARANEA: I have to go now. I'll see you later, 8a8y.  
PORRIM: Do+n't call me that.  
ARANEA: Ok, 8ye.  
  
They hang up.


	9. Chapter 9

Cut to the roof. CRONUS enters, mid-sentence.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy vwould she lie? i did not hit her! its not true! it's bullshark! howv could she say that about me? i did not hit her! vwhen vwould i havwe done that? i did not!  
  
CRONUS throws a water bottle to the floor.  
  
CRONUS: oh, hi por.  
PORRIM: (holding a sportsball) O+h, hey Cro+nus. What's up?  
CRONUS: im havwing a problem with ara. she says that i hit her, the vworthless bitch.  
PORRIM: What? Well, did yo+u?  
CRONUS: no! its not true. dont evwen ask. vwhats newv vwith you?  
PORRIM: Well, I'm just sitting up here thinking, yo+u kno+w? It's no+t go+ing very well. I have a questio+n fo+r yo+u, actually.  
CRONUS: ask avway.  
PORRIM: Do+ yo+u think wo+men like to+ cheat like men do+?  
CRONUS: vwhat makes you say that?  
PORRIM: I do+n't kno+w. I do+n't kno+w, I'm just... I'm just thinking.  
CRONUS: i dont havwe to vworry about that because aranea is loyal to me.  
PORRIM: Yo+u never know. People are very strange these days.  
PORRIM: I used to+ kno+w a girl by the name o+f Damara. She was dating a do+zen guys. Go+o+d fo+r her; I wo+uld never have been able to+ keep up. O+ne o+f them fo+und o+ut abo+ut it, then beat her up so+ badly she ended up in a hospiterror asylum.  
CRONUS: lmao thats great! vwhat a story por!  
PORRIM: Yo+u can say that again. I can't believe yo+u're laughing at do+mestic abuse.  
CRONUS: im so happy i havwe you as a best friend. and that i pity ara. lovwe her so much.  
PORRIM: Yo+u are very lucky, yes.  
CRONUS: vwell, maybe you should havwe a matesprit, por. gillfrond, buoyfrond. something for your slutty self to get it on vwith.  
PORRIM: Just... have o+ne?  
PORRIM: Yes, maybe yo+u're right. Maybe I have o+ne already. I do+n't kno+w yet.  
CRONUS: vwell, vwhat happened? remember horuss? vwas that his name?  
PORRIM: Ho+russ?  
CRONUS: vwell, yeah.  
PORRIM: We do+n't see each o+ther anymo+re. Yo+u kno+w, he wasn't any go+o+d in the pile. I co+uldn't even get him into+ the pile in the first place. He was beautiful, but we had to+o+ many arguments. Mo+stly o+ver him being to+o+ negative abo+ut himself. And he was to+o+ nice, and he sto+le my things.  
CRONUS: thats too bad. my ara is great vwhen i can get it.  
PORRIM: I just can't figure peo+ple o+ut. So+metimes they're just to+o+ smart, so+metimes they're just flat-o+ut stupid, o+ther times they're just evil.  
CRONUS: it seems to me like you vwould be the expert, por!  
PORRIM: And yo+u're the expert o+n experts... No+. Definitely no+t an expert, Cro+nus.  
CRONUS: vwhats bothering you, por?  
PORRIM: No+thing, Cro+nus.  
CRONUS: do you havwe some secrets? vwhy dont you tell me?  
PORRIM: Fo+rget it! Just fo+rget it. I kno+w I bro+ught it up, but I do+n't want to+ talk abo+ut it.  
CRONUS: i vwant to know your secret. tell me.  
PORRIM: No+, fo+rget it. I'll talk to+ yo+u later!  
  
PORRIM hands off the sportsball to CRONUS and exits.  
  
CRONUS: vwell, vwhatevwer.  
  
ERIDAN enters, passing PORRIM as she's leaving.  
  
ERIDAN: hey cro  
CRONUS: oh hi, eri.  
ERIDAN: wwhats wwrong wwith por  
CRONUS: shes just cranky today. lmao. mate trouble, i guess. vwhat's newv vwith you?  
ERIDAN: naut much  
ERIDAN: still going to the movvie tonight?  
CRONUS: sure, vwe are.  
ERIDAN: wwhat kind a movvie are wwe goin ta sea  
CRONUS: vwell, vwe can go see... eri, dont plan evwerything out. it may not come out right.  
ERIDAN: ok i guess  
ERIDAN: lets toss the ball around if you wwant  
CRONUS: ok, fine vwith me.  
  
They proceed to play short-distance catch with the sportsball while talking.  
  
ERIDAN: wwant to tell you aboat somefin  
CRONUS: vwhat is it, eri?  
ERIDAN: its aboat aranea  
CRONUS: vwhat about her?  
ERIDAN: shes gorgeous  
ERIDAN: she looks wwonderful in that red dress  
ERIDAN: i think im in lovve wwith her  
ERIDAN: pity or somefin  
CRONUS: keep talking.  
ERIDAN: i knoww she doesnt like me like that because sometimes shes mean to me  
ERIDAN: i dont wwant her to hate me even if its like that  
ERIDAN: but sometimes wwhen im around her  
ERIDAN: i feel like i wwant to kiss her and tell her i pity her  
ERIDAN: i dont knoww im just confused  
CRONUS: eri, dont vworry about that. aranea loves you too, as a person, as a troll, as a friend. you knowv people dont havwe to say it.  
ERIDAN: wwhat do you mean  
CRONUS: you can lovwe someone deep in your vwascular, and theres nothing vwrong vwith that. if a lot of people lovwed each other, the vworld vwould be a better place to livwe.  
ERIDAN: but youre entwwined with aranea  
CRONUS: eri, dont vworry about it. youre part of our family, and we lovwe you vwery much. and vwell help you anytime you need. ara lovwes you too. as a friend. shes sort of like your lusus too.  
ERIDAN: you mean you dont wwanna slug me  
CRONUS: no, because i trust you and i trust ara. vwhat about peixes, hanh?  
ERIDAN: wwhale i think i lovve her  
ERIDAN: not just pale but flush as wwell  
ERIDAN: after my conscription once im master a my own fleet i wwanna be entwwined to her an conquer neww wworlds for her  
CRONUS: thats the idea, champ!  
ERIDAN: youre right cro  
ERIDAN: thanks for payin for my schoolwwork  
CRONUS: youre vwery vwelcome, eri. keep in mind, if you have any problems like vwhackadoo back there, talk to me, and i vwill help you howvevwer i can.  
ERIDAN: awwesome thanks cro  
CRONUS: lets go eat something, hanh? come on lets go, im starvwing.  
  
They exit.  
  
Cut to an exterior panning shot of a dreambubble bridge.


	10. Chapter 10

Cut to the hiveblock, where LATULA and ARANEA are talking. ARANEA's neck is bulging throughout this scene, which means very few people will ever hear the dialogue.  
  
LATULA: so how's crobro, r4ds1s?  
ARANEA: He didn't get his promotion, th8t's for sure.  
LATULA: sh1t, 1s h3 d1s4ppo1nt3d?  
ARANEA: Quite a 8it. He got drunk last night, and he hit me.  
LATULA: h3 h1t you???  
ARANEA: I'm sure he didn't know wh8t he was doing.  
LATULA: 4r3 you ok though?  
ARANEA: Well, I don't want to 8e serindipisealed to him anymore.  
LATULA: wh44444t?  
ARANEA: Cronus is ok, 8ut I've found some8ody else to satisfy me.  
LATULA: 4r4n34. b4b3. th1s 1sn't r1ght. you're l1v1ng w1th on3 dud3 but sl33p1ng w1th 4noth3r dud3?  
ARANEA: I'm merely doing what I want to do.  
LATULA: w3ll 1f you're gonn4 b3 l1k3 th4t 4t l34st t3ll m3 who h3 1s!!  
ARANEA: It's Cronus's 8est friend. And she lives in this 8uilding.  
LATULA: omg 1 l1t3r4lly c4nt b3l13v3 you'r3 t3ll1ng m3 th1s! 1t's pornst4r, 1sn't 1t? k1ndf4ng, you know you'r3 just th1nk1ng 4bout yours3lf. som3body's go1ng to g3t hurt h3r3, y4 f33l? you H4V3 to b3 hon3st w1th crobro!  
ARANEA: I could never do that. He would 8e a8solutely devastated.  
LATULA: w3ll, 1f you c4r3 th4t much 4bout h1m, why would you ch34t on h1m?  
ARANEA: I mean, have you seen him? I really don't know what to do. I pity Porrim, and I don't have any more feelings for Cronus--not pale, not red, not 8lack.  
LATULA: d4ng, 4nd crobro 1s so 3xc1t3d 4bout th1s s3r3nd1p1s34l1ng.  
ARANEA: 8elieve me, I know.  
LATULA: you gott4 t3ll crobro!  
ARANEA: If we're going to continue to talk about this, or speak at all, I'll have to request that you don't guilt-trip me about this, 8ecause that's uncalled for.  
LATULA: you don't f33l gu1lty 4bout th1s 4t 4ll, do you.  
ARANEA: Why would I 8e guilty? I'm happy with the way things are right now.  
LATULA: y34h, you s4y th4t now, but someth1ng 4wful 1s gonn4 h4pp3n.  
ARANEA: I don't 8elieve you. And don't tell anyone what I told you.  
  
Cut to exterior shot of the hive. CRONUS is approaching. He picks up the paper.  
  
Cut to the hiveblock.  
  
LATULA: don't worry, s1s, you c4n trust m3. your s3cr3t 1s s4f3 w1th m3, 1 sw34r.  
  
CRONUS enters.  
  
CRONUS: sup, tula. i heard you from outside. vwhat secret?  
ARANEA: It's 8etween us women.  
LATULA: sup, crobro! h1gh f1v3!  
CRONUS: id rather not havwe you touch me. did you get a newv suit?  
LATULA: 4nd on th4t not3, 1 gu3ss 1'd b3tt3r b3 go1ng. 1'll just t4lk to you guyzzz l4t3r!!  
ARANEA: Excuse me, Cronus.  
LATULA: s1s, r3m3mb3r wh4t 1 told you, y34h?  
  
LATULA exits.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat is she talking about?  
ARANEA: It's merely what you would call "girl talk." I just told you that, when I said it was 8etween women.  
CRONUS: i nevwer hit you. i dont knowv vwhy you vwould lie about something like that. you shouldnt havwe any secrets from me. im your future husband, or entvwined matesprit, or your boyfriend or vwhatevwer.  
ARANEA: Are you sure a8out that? Maybe I'll change my mind about some or all of that.  
CRONUS: dont talk like that--vwhat do you mean?!  
ARANEA: What do you think? A woman like me ch8nges her mind all the time.  
CRONUS: vwery funny. you must be joshing me, arent you babe?  
ARANEA: Look, Cronus, I don't want to talk a8out it. I'm going to go upstairs, wash up, and slip in coon.  
  
CRONUS shoves ARANEA down on the couch.  
  
CRONUS: howv dare you talk to me like that. howv fucking dare you. you should tell me evwerything. nevwer havwe any secrets from me.  
ARANEA: I can't talk right now. More to the point, I don't want to speak with you when you act like this.  
CRONUS: vwhy, aranea? vwhy, ara? please talk to me, please. youre part of my life nowv. you are evwerything to me. i could not go on vwithout you, ara.  
ARANEA: Ok, now you're just scaring me. Why are you 8eing like this?  
CRONUS: vwhy are you lying? i nevwer hit you, evwer, evwen vwhen you might havwe deservwed it.  
CRONUS: you are tearing me apart, aranea!!!  
ARANEA: Why are you acting so hysterical right now?  
CRONUS: do you understand life? vwell do you?  
  
ARANEA gets up and heads upstairs.  
  
ARANEA: Don't worry about it. Don't worry about any of it. Everything will 8e alright.  
CRONUS: you really drivwe me crazy sometimes.  
ARANEA: Good morning, Cronus.  
CRONUS: dont vworry about it. i still lovwe you, pity you, the vwhole nine yards. good morning, ara.  
  
Cut to a long tracking shot of a very famous dreambubble bridge.


	11. Chapter 11

Cut to an alleyway, where MITUNA approaches CRONUS.  
  
MITUNA: H3333333Y L053R WH45Z5UPPP  
CRONUS: oh hi, tuna, vwhats newv?  
MITUNA: Y0U H4VV3 T0W 83 FU1CK1GN K1DD1NG M3  
MITUNA: I H4VV3 4 L3G1T PR08L3M H3R33  
MITUNA: TH3 PR08L3M 15 1N MY P475  
MITUNA: 4ND 4L50 15 MY P4N75  
MITUNA: 17 15 4 7R4D3GY  
MITUNA: 1 W35 M4K1NG OUT W17H 84MMIN SL4MM1N 8007YL1CK1N TUL3ZZZ  
MITUNA: 4L50 W3 W3R3 0N Y0UR C0NC1L13470RY CU5H10N5  
MITUNA: M04R L13K C0NCUP155553N7 CU5HHH 4M 1 RIT3 #N07 3V3N 4 L1773L 50RRY F1CK YU0  
CRONUS: uh... huh.  
MITUNA: 4NYW3Y M34N4H 4ND Y0UR H07 P13C3 0F 4ZZ W4LK 1N L1K3 TH3Y L13V3 7H3R3  
MITUNA: 1 GU355 7H4Y D0 #FUCK7H47  
MITUNA: 1N 7H3 M1DDL3 0F U5 G3771NG T0 TH3 G00000D P4R7  
MITUNA: 1M T4LK1NG 4B047  
CRONUS: oh no.  
MITUNA: S33333333XXXXXXXXX  
MITUNA: 7HA75 N07 3V3N 7H3 570RY 1 W4N73D 7W0 73LL FUCK  
MITUNA: 50 W3 G37 C4UGH7 4ND W3 J37 0U774 7H4R 0N 0UR F4LLSL475 L00K1NG FLY 45 5H17  
MITUNA: 1 G37 MY H4ML37 5H3 G375 H3R 8008 H0L5734R5  
MITUNA: 4ND 4B0U7 H4LFW4Y 4W4Y 1 R34L1ZZ3D  
MITUNA: 1 M15PL3C4D  
MITUNA: 1 F0RNG07 4B0U7  
MITUNA: MY FUCK1NG 8ULG3 PR073CT10N G34R  
  
They both chuckle.  
  
MITUNA: 50 1 G0 84CK F0R 15  
MITUNA: 1 PR3T3ND 1 N33D 4 800K 0R 4 B0NG 0R FUCK 17 1 D0N5 R3M383R 4ND 7H15 15 MY 570RY #FUCKY0U  
MITUNA: 50 1M L00K1NG F0UR 17  
MITUNA: 1 R34CH 0U7 4ND 5H0V3 7H47 5H17 D0WN MY 5W33337 5U17  
MITUNA: 5L1D3 17 0U7 5UP3R 5L1CK L1K3 1 D0  
MITUNA: 7H3N 7H47 B34CH M33N3RZ  
MITUNA: 5H3 54W 17 571CK1NG 0U7 0F MY Z1PP3R  
MITUNA: 50 5H3 FU1KK1NG PULL5 17 7H3 F1UCK 0U7  
MITUNA: 4ND 5H3 574R75 5H0W1NG 3V3RY80DY 3V3R  
MITUNA: M3333 UND3RW34RZZ  
CRONUS: you gotta be kidding me. undervwear? nevwer vwawnted that mental picture but now that i havwe it thanks i guess. i get it.  
MITUNA: Y345H 1 D0N5 KN0W WH347 70 D0  
CRONUS: thats just life sometimes, you knowv?  
  
ERIDAN enters, with a sportsball.  
  
ERIDAN: hey cro hey tuna  
CRONUS: hey eri.  
ERIDAN: wwanna play some sportsball  
MITUNA: 1 G0774 G0 533 7UL3ZZ 1N 4 817  
MITUNA: 1M G0NN4 G1V3 17 70 H3R 50 H4RD  
ERIDAN: oh come on i didnt need to knoww that  
CRONUS: come on just throwv the ball vwith us.  
MITUNA: F1N3 1F YU0 817CHPUNK5 W4NN4 G37 0WN3D 1 GU355 1 C4N 83 7H3 0N3 70 D0 17  
CRONUS: lets go vwith that.  
MITUNA: 1M 5K471NG 0U777  
  
They proceed to toss the sportsball around in close quarters, like you do.  
  
MITUNA: N07 3V3N 4 L177L3 50RNY Y0U H4D T3W 533 7H47 #78H  
ERIDAN: im not sorry im just avvoidin havvin to study  
ERIDAN: i dont study like that though howw do you get anyfin done  
CRONUS: he doesnt get anything done vwith her humping on him like that.  
  
PORRIM enters.  
  
PORRIM: Hey, Eridan, ho+w are yo+u?  
ERIDAN: hey wwhats up por  
CRONUS: hey por.  
ERIDAN: catch it come on i cant play sportsball wwith nobody  
MITUNA: N07 MUCH JU57 M3 0WN1NG 7H353 N3RRRDZZZZZ  
ERIDAN: he wwas just tellin us aboat some underwwear issue  
MITUNA: 1M G0NN4 5H0V3 Y1U 1NT0W 4 7R45HC4N  
PORRIM: Underwear? Why were yo+u talking abo+ut that?  
MITUNA: 175 1 FUCK1NG N0N 155U3  
PORRIM: Underwear? Unbelievable, Mituna, co+me o+n.  
  
PORRIM inexplicably shoves MITUNA into a trashcan.  
  
MITUNA: 0W FU1CKK #0W #0WW #0WWW  
ERIDAN: are you ok tuna  
MITUNA: 1M F14N G35 0FF M3  
ERIDAN: you sure aboat that you dont look so good  
MITUNA: 1LL 83 F4N3 1M N07 4 P155848Y  
ERIDAN: do you wwanna see a docterrorist or somefin  
MITUNA: N0P3 D0N7 Y4U D3R3 1M F1N3 1 5W4R3  
CRONUS: por, vwhy dont you take tuna home? and tuna, if you need anything, listen, call me anytime, pester me anytime. are you alright, though, like for real.  
  
CRONUS has been massaging MITUNA's shoulder this whole time.  
  
MITUNA: FU1CK 0N W15H YU0R C0N534N 7R0LL1NG  
ERIDAN: fine sea you  
  
PORRIM and MITUNA exit.  
  
CRONUS: lets go hivwe, eri.  
  
ERIDAN and CRONUS exit with the sportsball.


	12. Chapter 12

Cut to the hiveblock, which MEENAH and ARANEA are entering.  
  
ARANEA: You look un8elieva8ly tired today, Meenah. Are you feeling alright?  
MEENAH: its nofin just didnt get much sleep last day  
ARANEA: Whyever not?  
MEENAH: you remember that worthless clown fuck  
ARANEA: You'll have to 8e a little more specific.  
MEENAH: the one with the janky ass stitches  
ARANEA: Ah yes, our friend.  
MEENAH: he wants to buy a new hive or somefin  
MEENAH: i asked cronus if he could help with the shoal deposit  
MEENAH: all he told me is that it was mega awk  
MEENAH: thats fuckin bullshark and i know it  
MEENAH: i expected your entwined to be more generous than that  
ARANEA: Ah, 8ut we're not entwined yet.  
MEENAH: ah scuttlebutt my ass  
MEENAH: cronus is family now  
ARANEA: Meenah, please listen to me. I don't care for Cronus like I once did. I don't pity him, I don't love him--I don't even like him. In fact, I'm having concupiscent rel8tions with someone else.  
MEENAH: yeah so  
ARANEA: Flushed concupiscent rel8tions.  
MEENAH: are you for reel right now  
  
We see that CRONUS is listening from the staircase.  
  
ARANEA: I'm not sure you understand the situation, Meenah.  
MEENAH: who is it tho  
ARANEA: I'd rather not discuss this with you.  
MEENAH: so all of the sudden you dont wanna glub aboat it  
MEENAH: then what the shell you bringing it up for  
ARANEA: I... I don't know, actually.  
MEENAH: you  
MEENAH: dont know  
MEENAH: right  
MEENAH: if you think im tired tonight wait til you see me nextnight  
ARANEA: That reminds me: are you coming to the party?  
MEENAH: i shoald  
MEENAH: got nofin betta to do  
  
They exit.  
  
CRONUS: howv could they say that about me? i dont believwe it. i knowv howv to showv them! i vwill record evwerything.  
  
CRONUS descends the staircase and tediously installs a primitive recordation device under the telephonic answerator, then exits upstairs.


	13. Chapter 13

Cut to the hiveblock, where CRONUS and KANKRI are talking.  
  
CRONUS: i just dont understand vwomenfolk sometimes. do you, kanny?  
KANKRI: First 9f all, referring t9 y9ur intended entwined as "w9menf9lk" is clearly 9ffensive. Furtherm9re, generalizing a gender like this can be incredi6ly harmful. I'll ask that y9u all9w me t9 trigger-tag this 6ef9re we really get g9ing here. #tw: mis9gyny #tw: generalizing #tw: trigger tags  
KANKRI: N9w that we have that preface 9ut 9f the way, what seems t9 6e y9ur "pr96lematics" with w9men?  
CRONUS: they nevwer say vwhat they mean, and they alvways play games.  
KANKRI: I 6elieve I understand. 9r perhaps I d9n't--d9es y9ur main c9mplaint c9me fr9m w9men in general, 9r is it a specific w9man a69ut wh9m y9u wish t9 c9mplain?  
CRONUS: im havwing a serious problem with aranea. uh... #twv: sex, i guess? i nevwer knowv howv you vwant me to trigger tag. your standards keep changing. but i dont think shes being faithful to me. in fact i know she isnt.  
KANKRI: Aranea? The 9nly w9man I've yet f9und wh9 c9uld even appr9ximate my sheer v9lume 9f w9rds per c9nversati9n? Are y9u sure?  
CRONUS: yeah im sure. i ovwerheard a convwersation betvween ara and her moirail. vwhat the fu--vwhat am i supposed to do about that, kanny?  
KANKRI: In the c9ntext that this is Aranea, wh9 has been y9ur matesprit and "girlfriend" (#tw: kin issues) f9r sweeps? T9 wh9m y9u intend t9 serendipiseal within the perigee?  
CRONUS: thats the one.  
KANKRI: Alth9ugh I am 9rdinarily full 9f w9rds t9 apply t9 a situati9n such as this, I find myself at this p9int 6eyond the a6ility t9 fully express myself. #tw: a6leism against mutism  
CRONUS: but youre good at this kinda stuff, kanny. dont you havwe some advwice?  
KANKRI: Y9u must appreciate, Cr9nus, that this is shaping itself up t9 6e a very c9mplicated situati9n. If it w9uld n9t 6e t99 f9rward 9f me, I c9nsider y9u my friend, and I w9uld h9pe that y9u c9nsider me a friend in return. In additi9n, I have als9 kn9wn Aranea f9r quite s9me time, alth9ugh I must admit that I am n9t as cl9se with her as I w9uld like t9 6e--it 9ften transpires that she and I talk past each 9ther, as it were, in our haste t9 fully express 9urselves t9 the best and m9st melliflu9us 9f 9ur respective a6ilities. All this is t9 say that I can see that inserting myself int9 the dilemma at hand seems n9t t9 6e in my 6est interest. That is, I w9uld rather n9t serve as an intermediary 6etween y9u and Aranea. With my celi6acy 6eing what it is, 6eing recruited sua sp9nte int9 a c9nciliat9ry r9le 6etween the tw9 9f y9u seems inappr9priate at 6est and self-sa69taging at w9rst--n9t t9 menti9n that acting as an auspistice f9r a c9uple s9 th9r9ughly in flush as the tw9 9f y9u w9uld 6e incredibly insensitive t9 prevailing cultural m9res and ideals. If y9u still want my advice 9n this c9nundrum, I w9uld say that if y9u truly wanted t9 get t9 the 69tt9m 9f the matter, y9u sh9uld tell her as much: c9nfr9nt her a69ut the acti9ns y9u 6elieve 9r kn9w she is taking, and see what her reacti9n is t9 y9ur accusati9n.  
CRONUS: ... vwhat vwas that? sorry, i kinda lost your train of thought.  
KANKRI: #tw: uns9licited advice  
KANKRI: My advice is that y9u sh9uld c9nfr9nt Aranea.  
CRONUS: i cant confront her about this! id havwe to be able to articulate around this vwavwy accent! and i vwant to givwe her a second chance. after all this, aranea is still my future vwife. #twv: kin issues maybe? my serendipisealed entvwined. and you knowv vwhat they say. lovwe is blind, pity is blind, hate is blind.  
KANKRI: I am impressed 6y the am9unt 9f 6lind dev9ti9n y9u have for Aranea. N9t many matesprits c9uld attest t9 such dedicati9n. I must say, h9wever, that life 9ccasi9nally c9mplicates itself in unf9reseen ways, and the unexpected has 6een kn9wn t9 happen 9n th9se 9ccasi9ns. And when the unkn9wn d9es c9me t9 6e kn9wn, the pers9n this 9ccurs t9 needs t9 learn h9w t9 deal with it.  
  
The entrychime rings.  
  
KANKRI: That was unexpected, and I d9n't kn9w h9w t9 deal with it.  
CRONUS: did you hear the door of this hivweblock?  
KANKRI: I 6elieve that was the s9und, yes.  
  
CRONUS answers the door.  
  
CRONUS: oh hi, por, make yourself at hivwe.  
  
PORRIM enters.  
  
PORRIM: Hello+, Cro+nus. Hello+, Kankri.  
CRONUS: vwe vwere just talking about vwomen.  
PORRIM: Wo+men, yo+u say?  
KANKRI: Why must y9u always d9 this when P9rrim is here.  
PORRIM: Wo+uld yo+u like to+ discuss the purple-do+wn patriarchy, perhaps? O+r the subjugatio+n o+f the Empress's o+wn will to+ the whims o+f the indigo+blo+o+d cult religio+n?  
CRONUS: no, por, like vwomen.  
  
PORRIM pauses for a long while.  
  
PORRIM: O+h. Wo+men. Well, wo+men are co+nfusing. I have o+ne o+f my very o+wn, yo+u kno+w. She's nearly serendipisealed, but she's so+ attractive. It's driving me crazy.  
KANKRI: P9rrim, why didn't y9u menti9n this 6ef9re? Is it any9ne we kn9w?  
PORRIM: Yo+u... do+n't kno+w her.  
CRONUS: so vwhen can i meet her?  
PORRIM: I do+n't think yo+u can. It's an awkward situatio+n.  
CRONUS: vwhat, is she too old? do you think i vwill take her avway from you? hanh?  
  
KANKRI laughs, then quickly silences himself. PORRIM also laughs for a moment.  
  
PORRIM: I'm so+rry, it's just... the tho+ught o+f yo+u taking so+meo+ne away fro+m anyo+ne is... wo+w. No+. There's no+ way yo+u co+uld take her away fro+m me.  
CRONUS: its just as vwell. i havwe my owvn problems.  
KANKRI: 9h, what kind 9f pr96lems, Cr9nus?  
CRONUS: kan, you alvways play interrologist vwith us.  
PORRIM: Yo+u just asked him to+ play interro+lo+gist with yo+u.  
KANKRI: L99k, Cr9nus... I'm merely trying t9 6e a g99d friend. I'm just w9rried a69ut you. N9w, I d9n't wish t9 make y9u uncomf9rta6le 9n any acc9unt, s9 y9u are always welc9me t9 tell me y9u d9n't wish t9 talk--I kn9w h9w much y9u value c9nsent, and s9 I refuse t9 share anything with 9thers that y9u share in c9nfidence here.  
CRONUS: vwell, if i havwe to... aranea keeps teasing me about vwhether vwe vwill really get serendipisealed or not. i thought she vwanted to be entwvined vwith me, but vwe havwent gotten flush in a vwhile. at this point, i don't knowv vwhat im going to do.  
PORRIM: Yo+u want to+ get flush in the wild? Is that what yo+u just said?  
KANKRI: I 6elieve I understand what he said, P9rrim. Well, Cr9nus, y9u will never really kn9w her intenti9ns unless y9u ask her a69ut them. Perhaps y9u sh9uld tell her a69ut y9ur feelings 9n the matter. D9n't hide y9ur em9ti9ns. The tw9 9f y9u have 6een t9gether f9r quite a l9ng time, after all. I'm sure y9u can w9rk anything 9ut 6etween the tw9 9f y9u, s9 l9ng as y9u c9mmit t9 talking a69ut it and actually listening t9 9ne an9ther.  
CRONUS: eh, not alvways.  
KANKRI: Pe9ple are pe9ple, tr9lls are tr9lls. And s9metimes, it is imp9ssi6le f9r us t9 see 9ur 9wn faults.  
PORRIM: Apro+po+s o+f no+thing, and to+tally no+t just because I want Kanny to+ shut up: I'm thinking o+f mo+ving to+ a bigger hive. I'm making excellent mo+ney right no+w. Cro+nus, yo+u're a banker. What's yo+ur o+pinio+n o+n where the real estate market is go+ing?  
KANKRI: And n9w that THAT interrupti9n is 9ut 9f the way, Cr9nus: I 6elieve y9u sh9uld tell Aranea the truth. She deserves that much, I think y9u w9uld agree. Y9u are d9ing all this f9r her happiness, right?  
CRONUS: youre right, kan. hey por, that girl, she getting a divworce or anything?  
PORRIM: Yo+u men are to+o+ much. Again, no+t to+ change the to+pic o+f co+nversatio+n, but I'm go+ing to+ change the to+pic o+f co+nversatio+n. Are either o+f yo+u planning to+ run Bay to+ Breakers this year?  
CRONUS: the race to raise avwareness for less fortunate seadvwellers? yeah, sure, i vwill.  
KANKRI: I d9n't 6elieve I will participate this year.  
CRONUS: ha ha, kan, youre a cluckbeast, youre just a little cluckbeast! vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
PORRIM: What the hell is that no+ise.  
KANKRI: Wh9 are y9u calling a cluck6east? I happen t9 kn9w my 9wn limits very well, 69th mental and physical, as well as em9ti9nal. Truth 6e t9ld, I tend t9 run int9 strange pe9ple at that event. There are too many weird9s there f9r my taste. #tw: discriminati9n against the 9therwise s9cialized  
PORRIM: Yo+u? Wo+rried abo+ut hanging o+ut with a bunch o+f weirdo+s? Sho+uldn't yo+u be mo+re wo+rried abo+ut present co+mpany?  
CRONUS: i dont mind, kan. por, remember the one vwith the huge rumblespheres, the one vwho dyed her horns vwhite?  
KANKRI: What a69ut the 9ne wearing the serendipiseal traditi9nal gar6? If I recall c9rrectly, she was h9lding s9me s9rt 9f sign, th9ugh I d9n't remem6er what it said.  
CRONUS: i think it said vwill you marry me, vwhatevwer that means. vwait, thats a human thing. vwhat if she vwas humankin and i missed my chance hit on--i mean, get acquainted vwith her?  
PORRIM: What I remember the mo+st abo+ut last year's event was eating so+ much afterwards at the co+nciliato+ry banquet.  
CRONUS: yeah, the barbecue loaf vwas delicious. rice, that vwas cool too.  
KANKRI: And the tw9 9f y9u have inadvertently pr9ved my p9int: y9u are b9th weird. #tw: s9cialization privilege  
KANKRI: D9 either 9f y9u perhaps want t9 play at cards? Plums tall.  
CRONUS: nah, vwe cant. im expecting aranea any minute nowv.  
PORRIM: That's strange, I tho+ught yo+u were the highblo+o+d and thus the ruler o+f the hiveho+ld.  
KANKRI: Y9u kn9w, Cr9nus, it w9uld 6e wise t9 esta6lish these s9rts 9f 69undaries 6ef9re y9u and Aranea c9nsummate y9ur serendipit9us uni9n. And suspici9usly, I seem t9 6e 9n the su6ject 9f h9w y9u and Aranea ever met in the first place, f9r y9u t9 6e sealing y9urself t9 her n9w. I'm sure y9u've t9ld us 6ef9re, 6ut I f9r 9ne w9uld appreciate having y9ur 6ackst9ry with her elucidated in fr9nt 9f c9mpany.  
CRONUS: vwell, its a vwery interesting story. vwhen i movwed to the shore vwith only tvwo suitcases and the clothes on my back, i didnt knowv anyone. i headed to a local housing provwider vwith a paper grant from my bancestor. tvwo thousand caegars. it vwould have been a lot more useful to me if i had been able to convwert it to coin.  
PORRIM: Why co+uldn't yo+u? Why wo+uld yo+ur Befo+ran ancesto+r cut yo+u a bad grant?  
CRONUS: vwell, according to the provwider it vwas an out of region authority, so they didnt havwe to honor it. so i started vworking at a coffeehouse. it vwas the start of the dim season and i learned to lovwe the sight, taste, and smell of pumpkin spice lattes. anyvway, aranea came in almost evwery day. she vwould sit and drink her bean juice and go ovwer her papers. she vwas so beautiful. one day i decided, screwv it, i vwould say hi to her and just get shot dowvn once and for all. thats howv vwe met.  
PORRIM: Yo+u haven't to+ld Kanny the mo+st interesting part. She went thro+ugh two+ entire cans of repellant spray in that first enco+unter.  
CRONUS: thats not the interesting part, youre tvwisting my story. kan, you vwouldnt believwe this, but on our first outing, she vwolunteered to pay for breakfast.  
PORRIM: No+ tips fro+m his jo+b whatso+ever. Also+, no+ indicatio+n that later o+n, he wo+uld beco+me a banker.  
CRONUS: vwhatevwer, por. do you tvwo vwanna eat something?  
  
CRONUS assumes they do, exiting to the kitchen. ARANEA enters.  
  
ARANEA: Hello, Porrim. Hello, Kankri. Wh8t's going on?  
PORRIM: O+h, hello+, Aranea.  
KANKRI: Aranea! It is s9 delightful t9 6e a6le t9 see y9u. Meaning n9 9ffense t9 the 6lind 9r 9therwise sight-impaired, 9f c9urse, I simply meant it as a c9rdial greeting, and n9t t9 assume that the tw9 9f us have any s9rt of s9cial relati9nship whatsoever... #tw: ram6ling  
  
ERIDAN materializes behind ARANEA, then proceeds to stare out the window for some reason.  
  
ARANEA: Wh8re is Cronus?  
PORRIM: He's in the fo+o+dblo+ck. Suddenly, I need to+ leave.  
ARANEA: Oh! I didn't mean to chase you off. You should w8t around for a while.  
PORRIM: I need to+... wo+rk early to+mo+rro+w night. Yes. That. Is the reaso+n. Why I have to+ leave so+ suddenly.  
  
PORRIM exits. KANKRI also exits. ERIDAN crouches to the floor for some reason. ARANEA also crouches on the floor next to ERIDAN, for some reason.  
  
ERIDAN: did you get your serendipiseal gowwn yet  
ARANEA: No. I have pl8nty of time.  
ERIDAN: are you sure you havve that much time  
ERIDAN: its only a perigee awway  
ARANEA: I'm sure 8t'll be fine. What are you so worried a8out? Everything's ok, right?  
ERIDAN: just that cro doesnt seem vvery excited  
ERIDAN: is there somefin keepin the twwo of you from gettin to the altar  
ARANEA: There's no problem, 8ridan. Why do you ask?  
ERIDAN: i just wwant you an cro to be happy thats all  
  
They both stand up.  
  
ARANEA: I am happy. Look, 8ridan, I need to talk to Cronus. Ok? I'll see you later.  
ERIDAN: ok tell him i said wwhats up  
ARANEA: Sure.  
  
ERIDAN exits.


	14. Chapter 14

Cut to the roof. KANKRI enters. PORRIM is sitting on the roof, clad entirely in black gauze, smoking what may or may not be DAMARA's weed.  
  
KANKRI: 9h, hell9, P9rrim.  
PORRIM: Hey, Kanny.  
KANKRI: It's, er... this is, well, this is a g99d place t9 think. Up here. Isn't it? #tw: drug use #tw: ena6ling #tw: sec9ndhand sm9ke  
PORRIM: What, Kanny, do+ yo+u want to+ put me o+n the clo+ck? See inside my head?  
KANKRI: Well, if it isn't t99 inappr9priate, I d9 have at least 9ne questi9n f9r y9u, and that is: What is that? In y9ur hand. Wafting up sm9ke. That smells like a stripe6east. #tw: skunk #tw: anosmia a6leism #tw: latula don't look  
PORRIM: O+h, do+ yo+u want so+me, Kanny? I think it wo+uld be go+o+d fo+r yo+u. It wo+uld help yo+u get that stick o+ut o+f yo+ur ass. Yo+u definitely do+n't have anyo+ne in yo+ur co+ncupiscent quadrants abo+ut to+ do+ that jo+b fo+r you.  
KANKRI: Y9u kn9w I d9n't sm9ke that... that stuff, P9rrim!  
PORRIM: Right, yo+u settle fo+r no+thing less than White Wido+w.  
  
PORRIM rolls her eyes, sighs, and takes a drag.  
  
KANKRI: P9rrim, f9rgive my intrusi9n up9n y9ur seclusi9n, 6ut at this p9int, y9u are making me w9nder a69ut y9ur strange ha6its. Y9u l99k... d9wn. Depressed, alm9st. #tw: mental illness menti9n  
PORRIM: I have so+me sick twisted feeling in my fo+o+d blender. I did so+mething co+nsidered awful by so+cietal standards. I kno+w why o+thers think it's wro+ng, but I never expected to+ feel any guilt o+ver it myself.  
KANKRI: Tell me a69ut it, P9rrim.  
PORRIM: Well, I suppo+se I just feel like... like running, o+r killing myself, o+r so+mething crazy like that.  
KANKRI: S9 why are y9u sm9king t9 alleviate these feelings? That leaf is n9 g99d f9r y9u. It's n9 w9nder y9u can't think straight--n9w 9r ever, if y9u've 6een d9ing drugs this wh9le time. It's g9ing t9 insinuate itself int9 y9ur thinkpan and mess with y9ur head. #tw: uns9licited advice  
PORRIM: And ho+w is this any o+f yo+ur business, Kanny? Yo+u think yo+u kno+w everything because yo+u read abo+ut it in bo+o+ks o+r o+n the Intergrub. But fo+r all o+f yo+ur attempts to+ understand, yo+u will never kno+w what any o+f this feels like firsthand.  
KANKRI: Just wh9 d9 y9u think y9u are? Y9u're acting like a gru6 at the m9ment. Gr9w up.  
PORRIM: A mutantblo+o+d, calling me a grub? Wo+w, fuck yo+u to+o+.  
KANKRI: Just relax, P9rrim. I'm merely trying t9 help. N9w, I've f9und y9u 9n the r99f h9lding a.. a r9ach, is that what 9ther tr9lls call it? A 6ud. A j9int. ... Marijuana, is my p9int. D9wnstairs, y9u said y9u had a girl 9f y9ur very 9wn, an attractive w9man in her 9wn right, 6ut that she was a69ut t9 6e sealed t9 an9ther. Y9u c9ntinu9usly changed the su6ject and expected me n9t t9 n9tice y9ur c9nversati9nal det9urs. Y9u acted s9mewhat awkwardly when Aranea entered the bl9ck. S9, my c9nclusi9n is: y9u're having a c9ncupiscent, flushed affair with Aranea, aren't y9u.  
PORRIM: ... What.  
KANKRI: Am I wr9ng?  
  
PORRIM stands. She is easily a foot taller than KANKRI, especially with her heels. The slit of her dress reveals the tattoos going up her legs. She circles around KANKRI, her nostrils flaring and her fangs elongating. KANKRI visibly stiffens at her threat display.  
  
KANKRI: What are y9u d9ing? Are y9u insane? #tw: a6leist language  
  
KANKRI takes a step away. PORRIM's fangs retreat.  
  
PORRIM: I apo+lo+gize. Fo+r the drugs, no+t fo+r the ho+rmo+nal display. Are yo+u o+k?  
KANKRI: I 6elieve I'm fine--9r if I'm n9t fine n9w, I will be s99n. F9r the m9ment, I w9uld rather talk a69ut y9ur pr96lems. #ign9re the red running d9wn my pants leg  
  
PORRIM pointedly glances at KANKRI's pants leg.  
  
PORRIM: And yo+u're sure yo+u're o+k, and yo+u can co+nduct yo+urself in a so+cially appro+priate way?  
KANKRI: I'm sure.  
  
PORRIM squashes the last of her joint under her heel.  
  
PORRIM: Ancesto+rs damn this, Kanny. Why do+ yo+u even want to+ kno+w my secret? It's almo+st like it's ridiculo+usly easy to+ figure o+ut and I've never tried to+ hide it o+r be ashamed of it. Yo+u're right, o+f co+urse: Aranea is having an affair with me. I do+n't kno+w what to+ do+ abo+ut it. When I think to+o+ much abo+ut what she's do+ne, I tend to+ get depressed. It's all her fault, o+bvio+usly. It's her mind co+ntro+l. It's made her into+ such a manipulative bitch. #tw: gendered slurs  
KANKRI: 6ut h9w did y9u let this happen?  
PORRIM: Why are yo+u blaming me fo+r being her victim? #tw: victim blaming  
KANKRI: Y9u d9 kn9w that this is g9ing t9 ruin y9ur friendship with Cr9nus, right? Y9ur strangely human-6ased relati9nship m9del, anyh9w. What were y9u thinking? It seems as th9ugh y9u want my advice, s9 I will 9ffer it uns9licited, as I always d9. It seems like y9ur life has unexpectedly 6ec9me quite c9mplicated. Right n9w, y9u need t9 6e resp9nsi6le f9r th9se c9mplicati9ns. S9, here is my prescri6ed c9urse 9f acti9n: y9u sh9uld n9t see Aranea again. If y9u d9, under n9 circumstance are y9u t9 sleep with her! 9r whatever euphemism catches y9ur fancy f9r y9ur 9ver-li6erated view 9f h9w sexual relati9ns sh9uld 6e 6etween tr9lls. D9n't let her int9 y9ur ever-changing rev9lving d99r 9f sh9rt, meaningless c9ncupiscent physical relati9ns. Find s9me9ne else t9 "6reak the s9ci9sexual n9rm" with. Aranea is a s9ci9path. She 9nly cares a69ut herself. She is incapa6le 9f caring f9r any9ne that isn't herself. #tw: der9gat9ry diagn9sis  
PORRIM: Go+o+d lo+rd, yo+u can't expect me to+ listen to+ yo+u when all yo+u do+ is insult me. Whatever, co+me o+n, let's go+.  
  
They exit together.  
  
Cut to an exterior shot of a worship center in the dreambubbles.


	15. Chapter 15

Cut to the hiveblock, where CRONUS is wearing Beforan formalwear and talking on the telecommunicator.  
  
CRONUS: yeah thanks. vwhatevwer you need.  
  
ERIDAN enters, also wearing Beforan formalwear, but carrying a sportsball.  
  
CRONUS: hey eri. nice duds, you look like one svwell cat.  
ERIDAN: you look pretty swwell yourself  
ERIDAN: your sealing photos are gonna look wwonderful  
CRONUS: i know, right? im gonna look fantastic, i knowv it.  
  
The entrychime rings. ERIDAN answers it. KANKRI enters, also wearing Beforan formalwear.  
  
ERIDAN: oh hey kan  
ERIDAN: kri  
ERIDAN: wwhatevver come in  
KANKRI: Hell9.  
CRONUS: oh hey, kan.  
ERIDAN: you look pretty good yourself  
CRONUS: sit dowvn, make yourself comfortable.  
  
The entrychime rings again. ERIDAN answers it again. PORRIM enters this time, with an elegantly-done updo and wearing Beforan formalwear.  
  
ERIDAN: wwhoa  
CRONUS: vwowvvwvvwvwvvwvwwv.  
PORRIM: Hello+. Do+ yo+u like the way I lo+o+k?  
KANKRI: Dear g99dness yes.  
CRONUS: you look great, doll. like a real vwoman.  
ERIDAN: so do you guys wwanna play some sportsball  
KANKRI: D9 y9u expect us t9 play sp9rts6all in f9rmalwear? Y9u must 6e j9king.  
ERIDAN: come on por lets do it  
PORRIM: I'm o+pen to+ the idea.  
ERIDAN: wwhat about you cro  
CRONUS: ask kanny vwhat he vwants to do.  
ERIDAN: come on kankri  
KANKRI: I really d9n't think this attire is suited t9 vig9r9us activity 9f any kind.  
ERIDAN: are you kiddin me right noww  
KANKRI: I said n9. W9uld y9u please respect that?  
ERIDAN: come on ya wweakling  
ERIDAN: wweep wweep wweep wweep wweep  
CRONUS: vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
PORRIM: Co+o+ co+o+ co+o+ co+o+ co+o+.  
  
Cut to the alleyway, where CRONUS, PORRIM, KANKRI, and ERIDAN are throwing around the sportsball. In their Beforan formalwear.  
  
ERIDAN: catch this cro  
ERIDAN: alright kri  
ERIDAN: here wwe go por  
PORRIM: Co+me o+n, co+me o+n, co+me o+n!  
ERIDAN: catch por  
PORRIM: Go+! Go+ deep!  
  
KANKRI tries to "go deep," a heavy red blush coloring his face, but instead he trips and falls.  
  
ERIDAN: god kri youre a clumsy little wwimp  
KANKRI: That? Is it. I am d9ne. This is 9ver. This was n9t in the least a g99d idea, Eridan.  
  
Everyone helps KANKRI up, then they all exit.  
  
Cut to an exterior street shot in the dreambubbles.  
  
Cut to a fountain in the dreambubbles, where CRONUS dips in before he walks off.


	16. Chapter 16

Cut to a coffee shop.  
  
ROSE: Are you sure?  
DIRK: I wanna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.  
JAKE: I believe ill have a large peanut butter cup with extra whipped cream please?  
DIRK: Don't do that, you'll kill yourself.  
JAKE: Ah yes peanut allergy. Wherever would i be without you chum?  
JAKE: The mocha if you please.  
JOHN: sounds good!  
ROXY: and ill take a cheesycake and a coffee  
ROXY: and the baristas numberrr *wonk*  
ROXY: *wink  
DAVE: jeez you thirsty harpy take a seat and well get it right out to you  
DAVE: your coffee not egberts deets  
ROXY: you are absolutely no ufn you kno that rite?  
ROSE: Hello, how are you doing? What would you like?  
JANE: I would please like a bagel with a coffee.  
ROSE: Great, sure.  
CALLIOPE: i think i woUld also like a cheesecake and a bottle of water!  
JOHN: sounds good! have a seat. we will get that to you right away.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM enter.  
  
CRONUS: oh hi rose.  
ROSE: Well, hello, Cronus. How are you? It's... good... to see you. What would you like today?  
CRONUS: that human hot chocolate vwith vwhip.  
JOHN: what size?  
CRONUS: medium.  
JOHN: i think you mean grande! i will get that started.  
ROSE: How about you?  
PORRIM: I'll have the mint tea, Ro+se.  
ROSE: I'm glad you ordered it and not your friend, because by law you have to surrender your testicles or other male reproductive gonads if you want to drink it.  
JOHN: shut up, rose. grande for you too?  
PORRIM: Sure, go+ fo+r it.  
ROSE: Go sit down. We'll be right there.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM sit down.  
  
PORRIM: No+w that we're no+t alo+ne and also+ in public, let's talk abo+ut so+mething private and sensitive: I'm so+ tired o+f relatio+nship games.  
CRONUS: vwhat happened now, por?  
PORRIM: Relatio+nships never seem to+ wo+rk after the initial enco+unter. I do+n't kno+w why I keep wasting my time.  
CRONUS: vwhat makes you say that? is it because youre a huge slut vwho vwants to screwv anyone vwho vwill let you?  
PORRIM: It's no+t like that, Cro+nus.  
CRONUS: vwell, you should just be happy, por.  
PORRIM: I kno+w. Life is to+o+ sho+rt fo+r this bullshit.  
  
ROSE brings the drinks.  
  
CRONUS: vwowv, thanks.  
ROSE: You're welcome. How about a slice of cheesecake?  
CRONUS: i can see the cheesecake right here, 8a8e.  
ROSE: If you pinch my ass again, I will file a sexual harassment claim.  
  
CRONUS withdraws his hand, which was creeping out and around ROSE's side.  
  
ROSE: Do you want cheesecake or not?  
CRONUS: nah, you took all the fun out of it.  
ROSE: Good.  
  
ROSE retreats back behind the counter, angrily cleaning blender vessels.  
  
PORRIM: Ho+w was wo+rk to+night?  
CRONUS: pretty good. vwe got a newv client at the bank and vwe are gonna make so many caegars from him.  
PORRIM: What kind o+f client?  
CRONUS: i cant tell you, its confidential or something.  
PORRIM: So+... yo+u bro+ught it up, but yo+u can't talk abo+ut it.  
CRONUS: nope.  
CRONUS: anyvway, howv is your sex life?  
PORRIM: Ah, the so+o+thing, natural rhythms o+f a co+nversatio+n with yo+u. I can't talk abo+ut it.  
CRONUS: vwhy not?  
ROSE: (from the counter, sarcastically) By all means, take your time leaving, Cronus.  
CRONUS: shit, i do havwe to leavwe.  
PORRIM: Already? Well, isn't that co+nvenient.  
CRONUS: sorry, por.  
PORRIM: Alright, cheapskate, it's o+n me this time. By the way, do+ yo+u perhaps want to+ fit in so+me physical activity? In the park?  
CRONUS: nevwer knewv you vwere into vwoyeurism.  
PORRIM: Yo+u're disgusting. And it wo+uld be exhibitio+nism, anyhow. Ho+w do+es 6:30 wo+rk fo+r yo+u?  
CRONUS: vworks fine.  
PORRIM: Fine. See yo+u later.  
CRONUS: ok-dokey, por.  
  
CRONUS exits.


	17. Chapter 17

Cut to the respiteblock. ARANEA and PORRIM enter.  
  
PORRIM: What's go+ing o+n here?  
ARANEA: I l8ke you very much, Porrim.  
PORRIM: Co+me o+n, Cro+nus is my best friend... fo+r so+me reaso+n.  
ARANEA: Just one more time........  
  
ARANEA runs a hand inside PORRIM's dress, and the fourth terrible R&B-scored love scene commences. It goes on for about two minutes, full of half-hearted moaning, before cutting to black.  
  
Cut to another tracking shot of a famous bridge in the dreambubbles.  
  
Cut to a car parking in The Park. CRONUS exits to find PORRIM.  
  
CRONUS: hey.  
PORRIM: Hello+. Ho+w are yo+u do+ing?  
CRONUS: good, vwery good.  
  
They run side by side tossing the sportsball in the park. Barely audible and completely uninteresting dialogue commences, mostly "vwhats newv vwith you" from CRONUS and "What's new with yo+u?" from PORRIM. CRONUS wrestles PORRIM to the ground and perhaps lingers with a hand on her rumblesphere for a little too long.  
  
Cut to a shot of a dreambubble city skyline.


	18. Chapter 18

Cut to the hiveblock, where ARANEA is sweeping. The entrychime rings.  
  
ARANEA: Who is it?  
PORRIM: Delivery... o+h, why do+ I even bo+ther. Yo+u kno+w three o+ther peo+ple in the entire wo+rld. It's me, Aranea, co+me o+n, o+pen up.  
ARANEA: Come on in, then.  
  
PORRIM enters.  
  
ARANEA: Hello, Porrim.  
PORRIM: Wo+w. Are yo+u sure yo+u're go+ing to+ be ready?  
ARANEA: What do you mean, 8e ready? I'm always ready--for you.  
PORRIM: Yo+u kno+w what I mean--fo+r the party.  
ARANEA: We have plenty of time. All I have to do is finish scru88ing the floor and put on my party dress.  
  
ARANEA drops the broom and takes her shirt off.  
  
PORRIM: What are yo+u do+ing?  
ARANEA: Nothing. I've just ceased to need the 8room.  
  
ARANEA slides her hand around PORRIM's neck, undoing the top of her dress.  
  
PORRIM: Yo+u are so+ beautiful.  
  
They start making out. Someone knocks on the door. They bolt upright and start putting their clothes back on.  
  
ARANEA: Hurry up! I have to open the door!  
PORRIM: Wait, hang o+n!  
  
ARANEA puts her shirt back on, but PORRIM is still struggling.  
  
ARANEA: Come on in, I'll 8e right there!  
  
LATULA enters in time to see PORRIM pulling up the remaining side of her halter dress before she finally manages to tie the halter together behind her neck.  
  
LATULA: sup, g1rlzzz. h3y, r4yr4y, 1 brought th3 stuff you w4nt3d!  
ARANEA: I knew I could count on you.  
LATULA: yo, pornst4r. 3x why ur fr1ck1n' z33.  
PORRIM: What are yo+u talking abo+ut?  
LATULA: your boobs 4r3 k1nd4 m4k1n' 4 br34k for 1t!  
  
Everyone giggles.  
  
LATULA: y'4llz 4r3 too much. so, r4y, wh4t n33ds h3lp1ng?  
  
Everyone laughs some more.  
  
PORRIM: I need to+ go+.  
  
She exits. LATULA and ARANEA continue laughing.  
  
ARANEA: Could you possi8ly help me move the center table?  
LATULA: 41n't noth1n to m3. so, wh4t w4s r4d-4zz po-m4ry do1n' h3r3?  
ARANEA: Oh... she just... 8rought 8y some takeout.  
LATULA: mo4r l13k t4k1n' out h3r ch3st1cl3s, lolz! wh4t 4bout th3 t13, huh?  
ARANEA: What a8out it?  
  
They move the coffee table.  
  
ARANEA: Leave her alone, she's a good 8a8e.  
LATULA: so, l3t m3 gu3ss, you h4v3n't told cronono y3t.  
ARANEA: How could I? Porrim and Cronus consider themselves to 8e 8est friends.  
LATULA: tr1cky tr1cky. l1k3 4 sk4t3bo4rd th4ng!!  
ARANEA: You know, I think I really did care about Cronus at first. 8ut now, everything seems to have changed. I need more from life, and Cronus hasn't 8een a8le to provide that. Suddenly it's as if my eyes were opened wide--I can see everything so clearly. I want it. I want it all--whatever this afterlife can give me.  
LATULA: you th1nk you c4n g3t 1t 4ll from pornst4r?  
ARANEA: Well, if she can't give me what I want, I'm sure some8ody else would 8e willing to.  
LATULA: j33z, r4yr4y, you sound l1k3 m33n g1rl wh3n you t4lk l1k3 th4t. you'r3 b31n' so... l4m3.  
ARANEA: So what? You might 8e a8le to learn something from me if you gave it a chance. You have to take as much as you can from life, even this un-life, after all. You have to live! Live, live, live, live, live, live, live! So, don't worry a8out me. I have everything covered.  
LATULA: w41t, 31ght l1v3z? 1s n1n3 too m4ny?  
ARANEA: I'll just leave that to Meulin. Or possibly her 8ancestor Nepeta.  
  
They both laugh.  
  
LATULA: 1t's l1k3... your po1nt of v13w 1s so tot4lly d1ff3r3nt from m1n3. 1 got tun4, 1 got sk1llz, 1'm h4ppy.  
ARANEA: Look, I would rather not talk about it if I don't truly have to. People are going to be g8tting here soon, and we have to finish preparing for the party.  
LATULA: r4yr4y...  
ARANEA: I really don't see what the 8ig deal is, or why you're making this out to 8e such a huge thing. Doesn't every8ody look out for Number One in the end, number one being themselves? Don't I deserve the 8est? What if Cronus isn't the 8est?  
LATULA: but h3's l1k3, 4 r4d dud3! 1 couldn't do wh4t you'r3 do1ng to h1m. you'r3 too much for m3, r4yr4y.  
ARANEA: You know, you're not such a saintly 8eing yourself.  
LATULA: y34h, but w3'r3 not t4lk1n' 'bout m3, h3r3, 4r3 w3?  
  
LATULA boffs ARANEA with a pillow, maybe a little too hard. A strange pillow vs. broom fight ensues, both laughing.  
  
ARANEA: Stop it! Are you trying to ruin my party????????  
  
Cut to a tracking shot of that famous dreambubble bridge. Again.


	19. Chapter 19

Cut to CRONUS and PORRIM running in the woods and muttering to each other.  
  
CRONUS: yeah, good vworkout, thats the idea.  
PORRIM: Catch me if yo+u can.  
  
Cut to a shot of a staircase in the dreambubble city, where CRONUS and PORRIM are running up.  
  
PORRIM: I'm lo+o+king fo+r so+me o+ffers in the Jade Quarter--what are the interest rates like these days?  
CRONUS: pretty good, youd be qualified right avway if you talked to me.  
PORRIM: Yo+u can't be serio+us.  
CRONUS: im sure, look howv pretty you are.  
PORRIM: Well, when can we meet abo+ut that?  
CRONUS: vwe could alvways talk about this tomorrowv night.  
PORRIM: To+mo+rro+w night?  
CRONUS: sure thing.  
PORRIM: Perhaps early in the mo+rning?  
CRONUS: perfect. vwill three vwork for you?  
PORRIM: Really? Wo+w, that sounds great.  
  
Cut to CRONUS's scuttlebuggy pulling onto a residential avenue and parking in front of his hive. CRONUS and PORRIM exit the car.  
  
Cut to an illuminated building at night.  
  
Cut to a transportation module on a busy avenue at midnight.


	20. Chapter 20

Cut to the hiveblock, where ARANEA is sitting as CRONUS enters.  
  
CRONUS: seeya, 8a8e.  
  
CRONUS pecks ARANEA on the cheek. He opens the door to leave, and MEENAH enters.  
  
CRONUS: hey there, prettygills. bye, ara!  
MEENAH: good riddance  
  
CRONUS exits.  
  
ARANEA: Hello, Meenah. How are you doing today?  
MEENAH: doesnt matter aboat me how are you  
ARANEA: I'm fixing the hive for a wriggling day party for Cronus, but I don't really have my thro88ing vascular in it.  
MEENAH: why the shell not  
ARANEA: 8ecause my concupiscent quadrant belongs to Porrim, not Cronus. And here I am, planning Cronus's party anyhow.  
MEENAH: you know dis aint right  
MEENAH: still think you shoald seal up to cronus  
MEENAH: cant live on concupiscence or waterever  
MEENAH: besides without gettin serendipisealed you aint never gonna have the kinda bling i do  
ARANEA: 8ut I'm not happy. Shouldn't that count for something? Cronus still thinks I'm going to seal myself to him, even though I told him I won't. May8e he thinks there's something wrong, 8ut it's hard to tell. Mostly, he's just a fool.  
MEENAH: funny you expect to be happy  
MEENAH: i aint been happy since i had to mediate that whole rufioh damara horuss clusterfuck  
MEENAH: never wanted to quadrant with those beaches in the first place  
ARANEA: How come you never told me this????????  
MEENAH: doesnt matter still true  
MEENAH: everyones a basshole  
MEENAH: men are bassholes  
MEENAH: women are bassholes  
MEENAH: humans are bassholes  
MEENAH: cherubs are bassholes  
MEENAH: even trolls are bassholes  
MEENAH: we all use n abuse each other all the time  
MEENAH: aint nofin wrong with it  
MEENAH: gettin sealed has bass all to do with wantin a quad  
ARANEA: Well, Cronus is still ok, I suppose. He's somewhat stupid, and easily manipul8ted. I 8elieve 8y now I should have him wrapped around my littlest prong.  
MEENAH: you shoald be happy then  
ARANEA: None of that means that I care for him in any way whatsoever, though. And I don't.  
MEENAH: dont just throw your afterlife away because you dont pity him  
MEENAH: shits ridic  
MEENAH: grow up and listen to me  
MEENAH: im your morayeel for a reason  
ARANEA: All right, then, moirail. I'll see you at the party. I think what I need is to 8e alone right now.  
MEENAH: fin waterever  
MEENAH: peixes out  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
Cut to the docks, where CRONUS is walking.  
  
Cut to a shopping district, where CRONUS is walking.


	21. Chapter 21

Cut to a dark room. CRONUS enters and turns on the lights to find everyone he ever knew. They all say "surprise!" and sing "Congratulations On Your Survival To Your Next Wriggling Day, We Hope You Continue To Conquer And Have Thousands Of Sweeps More" while CRONUS says things like "vwowv," "ok," and "thanks." CRONUS toasts with everyone amid various congratulatory mumbles. He offers ERIDAN a drink, which ERIDAN says he'll accept later.  
  
Cut to panning shot of the near-dawn skyline.  
  
Cut back to the party, where various cast members are engaged in obviously fake conversations. CRONUS and MEENAH are discussing something. ARANEA is flirting with KARKAT, a character we've never seen before who is actually a last-minute piss-poor replacement for KANKRI. PORRIM is watching them. ARANEA and PORRIM exchange flirtatious glances. CRONUS looks concerned. MITUNA and LATULA flirt with another couple, then start feeding each other celebratory grubloaf.  
  
ARANEA: Hey every8ody, let's go outside for some fresh air.  
  
Everybody exits except for ARANEA and PORRIM.  
  
ARANEA: W8. I have something I want to show you.  
PORRIM: O+h, really? Is it so+mething I haven't seen befo+re?  
  
They settle on the conciliatory cushions, and ARANEA drapes her legs across PORRIM's lap.  
  
PORRIM: So+. Serio+usly. What did yo+u want to+ sho+w me.  
ARANEA: It's a surprise.  
PORRIM: So+, I've seen it befo+re. Fine, let's do+ this.  
  
They start making out.  
  
PORRIM: What are yo+u do+ing? Because all o+f this is o+bvio+usly yo+ur fault, and I carry no+ blame fo+r it whatso+ever. Are yo+u crazy? Everyo+ne yo+u kno+w is here.  
ARANEA: No they're not. Technically, they're all outside, 8ecause I was clever and directed them out there. They will file in and out of the hive on my command.  
PORRIM: Yo+u minx. Yo+u planned this all alo+ng.  
  
They make out some more. KARKAT enters.  
  
KARKAT: OH WHAT THE EVERLOVING SHOT OF BUGSQUIRT TO THE FACE IS THIS.  
  
ARANEA and PORRIM bolt upright.  
  
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?  
KARKAT: OTHER THAN JUST, I DON'T KNOW, RANDOMLY BEING A QUADRANT-SMEARING WHORE TRYING TO RUIN THE LIFE OF YOUR INTENDED.  
KARKAT: IGNORE THAT I LITERALLY JUST INTRUDED IN ON YOUR LIVES IN GENERAL ONLY A FEW MINUTES AGO.  
KARKAT: SORRY, KANKRI COULDN'T SHOW UP.  
PORRIM: I think Aranea has him bo+und and gagged in a clo+thesblo+ck so+mewhere aro+und here.  
KARKAT: THAT'S AS CHARITABLE AN EXPLANATION AS ANY, I ASSUMED SERKET MIND CONTROL MURDER.  
KARKAT: BUT WE'RE FRIENDS, RIGHT, SO SCREW IT. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.  
ARANEA: Karkat, please calm down. I'm o8viously flushed for Porrim, or I wouldn't 8e doing this.  
KARKAT: FORGIVE ME FOR BEING MORE THAN A LITTLE SKEPTICAL.  
PORRIM: Yo+u do+n't seem to+ understand what's go+ing o+n here, Karkat. Leave yo+ur unwanted co+mments in yo+ur po+ckets, with yo+ur keys and yo+ur stupid change.  
  
PORRIM exits.  
  
KARKAT: YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE, DO YOU.  
KARKAT: THIS IS GOING TO DEVASTATE CRONUS.  
KARKAT: TRUST ME, THE GUY HIT ON ME UNTIL I STRATEGICALLY RETREATED INTO A TRIPLE-LOCKED DREAMSPACE, I THINK I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE WITH WHICH TO JUDGE HIS CHARACTER.  
KARKAT: HE'S SENSITIVE. NOT JUST IN THE BULGE. HE'S A REAL SENSITIVE GUY.  
ARANEA: And I don't care a8out any of that. I'm flushed for Porrim now, not Cronus.  
KARKAT: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE JUSTIFYING THIS TO YOURSELF IN YOUR WARPED LITTLE PAN.  
KARKAT: YOU MAKE ME SICK.  
KARKAT: LITERALLY, I THINK I'D RATHER GAG ON YOUR OVERSWEET GRUBLOAF AND THEN PUKE IT ALL OVER YOUR LITTLE HIVEBLOCK HERE.  
  
CRONUS and LATULA enter.  
  
CRONUS: thanks, 8a8e, this is an awvesome party. you evwen invwited all my friends. good thinking.  
ARANEA: You're welcome, lovely. You know how much I'm flushed for you.  
CRONUS: of course i do.  
ARANEA: You know, it's getting somewhat warm in here. Why don't we all go 8ack outside?  
  
Everyone exits.  
  
Cut to a shot of a busy street at near-dawn.  
  
Cut to the party on the roof of CRONUS's hive. CRONUS waves at the people below him.  
  
CRONUS: hey evwerybody! vwe havwe an announcement. vwe like aranea and i. vwe are expecting!  
  
Everyone congratulates CRONUS. LATULA and KARKAT confront ARANEA.  
  
LATULA: j33z, r4yr4y, 1 gott4 t4lk to you. you gott4 b3 hon3st w1th poor old cronono 4bout how you f33l!  
KARKAT: I AGREE WITH THAT.  
KARKAT: NOT THAT ANYONE CARES.  
ARANEA: I'm going to tell him. I mean to tell him sometime. 8ut at this point, I would rather not ruin his wriggling day or his party.  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN EXPECTING, ANYWAY?  
KARKAT: EXPECTING A TENTACLE TO REACH OUT INTO THIS PATHETIC PARTICULE OF DREAMBUBBLE PARADOX SPACE AND CRUSH IT IN ITS GRIP?  
KARKAT: EXPECTING TO HAVE YOUR THINKPAN LEAK OUT YOUR EARS BECAUSE OF HOW STUPID YOU'RE BEING?  
ARANEA: I'm not expecting anything. It's not my fault if Cronus has his expectations set unreasona8ly high.  
LATULA: wh44444t?  
KARKAT: WHAT IN THE FORBIDDEN TRUE NAME OF THE HORRORTERRORS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.  
ARANEA: I told him something vague to keep our rel8tionship interesting, since it's been dying through no fault of my own. We'll pro8a8ly do something exciting eventually in our rel8tionship at some point, at any rate; it's largely inevitable. I'm frankly not even sure what Cronus thinks he's expecting. To adopt a gru8? To 8oldly go where no troll has gone 8efore? To conquer untold new plan8ts in the Empress's name? All of it seems quite silly at this stage. No matter. Neither of you are going to tell Cronus, are you.  
LATULA: r4yr4y, you f33l1ng ok? cuz th1s whol3 s1tch 1s just g3tt1ng wors3 4nd wors3.  
KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE I'M SITTING ON AN ATOMIC BOMB WAITING FOR IT TO GO OFF.  
KARKAT: THE METAPHOR IS THAT THE FALLOUT WILL GO FAR BEYOND JUST YOU AND CRONUS.  
KARKAT: JUST IN CASE YOUR RECENT BRAIN DAMAGE CAUSING YOU TO MALICIOUSLY MAKE CRONUS MISERABLE COULDN'T PROCESS ABSTRACT LANGUAGE.  
LATULA: 1 f33l l1k3 th4t too, k4rkz. th3r3 r34lly 1sn't 4 s1mpl3 solut1on to th1s.  
ARANEA: Don't worry a8out it. You two worry entirely too much about me, and a8out a rel8tionship you're no part of.  
LATULA: 4r4n34. w3'r3 not worr13d 4bout you. w3'r3 worr13d 4bout cronus. you don't und3rst4nd th3 psych-out you'r3 do1ng h3r3. you'r3 r34lly just hurt1ng yours3lf. 4nd my fr1endsh1p w1th you.  
ARANEA: You're forg8tting something v8ry important: I am not responsi8le for Cronus or his feelings. I'm through with that. I'm ch8nging, as a person.  
KARKAT: YEAH, INTO AN ASSHAT.  
ARANEA: I have the r8ght, don't I?  
KARKAT: TO BE AN ASSHAT, SURE.  
ARANEA: People are ch8nging all the time. And when it comes r8ght down to it, the person whose future I need to think a8out is my own. So, what is it to either of you if I make some choice you don't agree with?  
KARKAT: EXCEPT IT WON'T JUST AFFECT YOU.  
KARKAT: REMEMBER THAT ATOMIC BOMB THING? I SAID THAT BECAUSE IT'LL BE VIOLENT, EXPLOSIVE, AND THE FALLOUT WILL CATCH ANYONE IN THE BLAST RADIUS.  
KARKAT: SO, WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO CRONUS?  
KARKAT: IT'S GOING TO PULL ALL OF US DOWN INTO THE DISGUSTING CHARYBDIS OF HIS WALLOWING SELF-PITY ONCE YOU FINALLY BREAK UP WITH HIM.  
KARKAT: IT'S GOING TO SHAKE UP OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE ON THE WEST COAST OF NORTH ALTERNIA.  
KARKAT: AND IT'S GOING TO DESTROY WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH YOU, WHICH HASN'T REALLY BEEN EXPLAINED YET, BUT I GUESS IT'S THERE, SO WHATEVER.  
KARKAT: BESIDES, I DON'T THINK PORRIM IS REALLY FLUSHED FOR YOU.  
ARANEA: I don't want to talk a8out this with you, Karkat--especi8lly if you're just going to shriek at me a8out it.  
LATULA: r4yr4y, you'r3 gonn4 h4vt4 f4c3 1t soon3r or l4t3r. 1'm gonn4 h4v3 4 h4rd t1m3 forg1v1ng you 1f you don't.  
ARANEA: Hey every8ody! Let's go inside and eat some gru8loaf.  
  
Everyone exits enthusiastically to go back inside at ARANEA's mere command. LATULA looks pained.  
  
LATULA: 1 just don't g3t you, grrl.  
  
Cut to some random building as the sun rises.  
  
Cut to the party, where a couple--TAVROS and VRISKA\--is eating cake.  
  
TAVROS: aRANEA, lOOKS VERY UH, aTTRACTIVE, tONIGHT,  
VRISKA: Are you s8ying you want to do her 8efore you come 8ack home to me????????  
  
CRONUS and MEENAH are chatting; more descriptively, CRONUS is hitting on MEENAH. PORRIM and ARANEA are arguing.  
  
PORRIM: What is it yo+u're expecting? Is it o+ne o+f the grubs I cared fo+r?  
ARANEA: No, of course not.  
PORRIM: Ho+w can yo+u be sure? Co+me o+n, Aranea, just tell me.  
ARANEA: Stop 8sking stupid qu8stions.  
PORRIM: Who+ the hell do+ yo+u think yo+u are?  
ARANEA: J8st sh8t 8p!!!!!!!!  
  
ARANEA slaps PORRIM.  
  
CRONUS: svweet, chick fight. vwhat are you doing? vwhats going on here huh?  
PORRIM: Yo+u really do+n't kno+w, do+ yo+u.  
  
CRONUS shoves PORRIM.  
  
CRONUS: maybe i knowv more than you think i do, por.  
PORRIM: Why are yo+u hitting me?  
  
CRONUS shoves PORRIM again, this time into a table.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat do you vwant from me, hanh?  
  
PORRIM pushes off of the table and attacks CRONUS, fangs coming out. KARKAT, ARANEA, and LATULA pull them apart.  
  
ARANEA: St8p it!  
CRONUS: alright, alright. ok folks, evwerything is fine. the fighting is over, hep cats. sorry, por.  
  
They shake hands.  
  
PORRIM: Me to+o+.  
CRONUS: ara, vwould you clean up here please?  
  
Cut to the skyline in full day.  
  
Cut back to the party, where PORRIM and ARANEA are dancing. CRONUS confronts them.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat are you doing?  
ARANEA: That's none of your 8usiness, Cronus.  
CRONUS: youre my future vwaifu, so vwhat are you doing, ara?  
PORRIM: Leave her alo+ne. She do+esn't want to+ talk to+ yo+u.  
  
CRONUS shoves PORRIM. Again.  
  
CRONUS: since vwhen do you givwe me orders?  
PORRIM: Since Aranea changed her mind abo+ut yo+u. Wake up, Cro+nus. I kno+w we're in a dreambubble, but wake up. What planet do+ yo+u think this is? This isn't Befo+rus anymo+re. Yo+u can't just o+rder Aranea aro+und like yo+u o+wn her.  
CRONUS: i think you should leavwe right nowv, por.  
ARANEA: Don't spoil the party I planned for you, Cronus. You wouldn't want to em8arrass yourself in front of everyone. We're just having fun.  
PORRIM: Do+n't wo+rry abo+ut it.  
  
PORRIM reaches out to touch CRONUS on the shoulder. CRONUS pushes her hand away.  
  
CRONUS: dont you dare touch a vwioletblood like that, lususfucker. get out.  
  
PORRIM and CRONUS fight. Again.  
  
ARANEA: St8p! St8p it!!!!!!!! You two are acting like gru8s.  
PORRIM: Spawn of a who+re.  
ARANEA: The two of you are going to ruin the party.  
PORRIM: If yo+u wo+uld keep Aranea satisfied, she wo+uldn't want to+ co+me to+ me.  
CRONUS: get out of my hivwe! ill kill you, you lowverblooded bitch!  
PORRIM: Yo+u co+uldn't cull me if yo+u tried.  
CRONUS: you 8ETRAYED me, you vwhore, youre just a cluckbeast, vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
  
They fight some more.  
  
CRONUS: shut up, vwoman!  
KARKAT: FUCK THIS SHIT, SERIOUSLY. THIS IS OFFICIALLY OVER.  
CRONUS: its not ovwer. evwerybody 8ETRAYED me. im fed up vwith this vworld.  
  
CRONUS exits upstairs.  
  
Cut to a shot of the markets at dusk.


	22. Chapter 22

Cut to MEENAH entering the respiteblock to find ARANEA.  
  
MEENAH: i cleaned the foodblock so you dont have to worry palemate  
ARANEA: Cronus still won't come out of the a8lution8lock.  
MEENAH: hes fuckin upset  
MEENAH: your whorin around made him sad  
MEENAH: now cronus is a sensible seatroll  
MEENAH: hell come outta there  
MEENAH: then youll glub about this  
MEENAH: everything is gonna be ok  
ARANEA: I think may8e I should just 8e alone with him right now.  
MEENAH: gotcha  
MEENAH: shine on my crazy diamond  
MEENAH: im out call me when this flounders  
ARANEA: I will, and it won't. Thank you, Meenah.  
  
MEENAH exits the hive. ARANEA tries to open the ablutionblock door, but it's locked.  
  
ARANEA: You can come out now, Cronus. Meenah left. She won't 8e accosting you for your deplora8le conduct.  
CRONUS: in a fewv minutes, bitch.  
ARANEA: Who are you calling a 8itch?  
CRONUS: you and your dumb vwhore moirail.  
  
ARANEA picks up the telecommunicator and calls PORRIM.  
  
PORRIM: Hello+?  
ARANEA: Hello, Porrim? There are things we need to talk a8out.  
PORRIM: What's the situatio+n?  
ARANEA: Don't worry a8out Cronus, he's just 8eing a 8ig gru8 a8out this. You know, I'm in flush with you.  
  
CRONUS is straining to hear this through the respiteblock door.  
  
ARANEA: I'm flushed for you, 8a8e.  
PORRIM: Why do+n't yo+u ditch this creep? I do+n't like him anymo+re.  
ARANEA: I know, he's not worth it. Why don't I come to your hive and 8e with you?  
PORRIM: Sure, lo+ve, co+me o+n up. I want yo+ur bo+dy.  
ARANEA: I'm on my way, then. Good8ye.  
PORRIM: Go+o+dbye.  
  
CRONUS enters the respiteblock.  
  
CRONUS: vwho vwere you talking to?  
ARANEA: No8ody.  
CRONUS: vwell, vwont vwe see about that.  
  
CRONUS retrieves the tape from the recordation device under the telephonic answerator, or something: the technical process looks completely fictionalized.  
  
CRONUS: vwe vwill see about that.  
  
When he plays the tape back, it catches the beginning of ARANEA's previous conversation, even though it hasn't yet been rewound. It has better fidelity than their actual conversation.  
  
PORRIM: (recorded) Hello+?  
ARANEA: (recorded) Hello, Porrim? There are things we need to talk a8out.  
PORRIM: (recorded) What's the situatio+n?  
ARANEA: (recorded) Don't worry a8out Cronus, he's just 8eing a 8ig gru8 a8out this. You know, I'm in flush with you. You're the sparkle of my life. I can't live without you. I'm flushed for you.  
PORRIM: (recorded) Wait, yo+u didn't say a few o+f tho+se things befo+re...  
  
CRONUS turns off the recordation device.  
  
CRONUS: you little vwhore. howv could you do this to me? im just a nice sensitivwe guy and i didnt want to get hurt. i gave you sevwen svweeps of my life and you 8ETRAYED me! lets see howv far you want to drivwe the knife in vwith vwhat else is on this tape.  
ARANEA: No. Stop. You a8solute asshole--I put up with you for 8 sweeps! And somehow you think you're an untoucha8le little angel, like those 8eings on your planet. You're nowhere near as frightening or pure. At the end of the night, you're just like any8ody else.  
CRONUS: i treated you like a princess, not just a sylph, and you STA88ED me in the 8ACK. i lovwe you. i did anything just so you vwould be happy. nowv you 8ETRAY me! howv could you lovwe him? him and not me, vwhen im just a sensitivwe guy looking for someone to lovwe?  
  
CRONUS turns the recordation device back on.  
  
PORRIM: (recorded) Why do+n't yo+u ditch this creep? I do+n't like him anymo+re.  
ARANEA: (recorded) I know, he's not worth it. Why don't I come to your hive and 8e with you?  
PORRIM: (recorded) Sure, lo+ve, co+me o+n up. I want yo+ur bo+dy.  
ARANEA: (recorded) I'm on my way, then.  
  
CRONUS hurls the recordation device against the wall, yelling out loudly.  
  
CRONUS: agh! evwerybody 8ETRAYED me. i dont have a friend in the vworld.  
ARANEA: I'm leaving you, Cronus. Good8ye.  
  
ARANEA exits the hive entirely.  
  
CRONUS: get out! get out!! get out of my life, ara!  
  
CRONUS collapses on the bed. Then CRONUS descends the stairs into the livingblock of the hive, trashing it as he goes.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy, aranea, vwhy, vwhy???  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA laughing with CRONUS's tie around her forehead.  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA and CRONUS kissing.  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA and CRONUS having sex.  
  
CRONUS: you 8ITCH!  
  
CRONUS knocks over a bowl of fake fruit, some furniture, and everything on the mantle. He picks up the teletube and hurls it out the fenestration plane.  
  
CRONUS: YOU 8ITCH! YOU 8ITCH!!!  
  
Cut to CRONUS re-entering the respiteblock, glub-howling incomprehensibly. He knocks things off the clothes storage, pulls out all the drawers one by one, and shoves it over. He does a quick turn-down service on the human-style bed, then flings himself onto it.  
  
FLASHBACK: CRONUS and ARANEA having sex.  
  
CRONUS knocks over more of his own things and shatters a mirror. He sits on the floor and picks up the red dress he gave to ARANEA.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA trying on the dress.  
  
CRONUS dry-humps the dress amid flashbacks of getting flush with ARANEA while she was wearing it.  
  
CRONUS: you vwhore!  
  
CRONUS tears the dress up.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA and PORRIM dancing.  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA saying "You a8solute asshole--I put up with you."  
  
CRONUS picks up a box and opens it to reveal a handgun.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy? vwhy is this happening to me? vwhy??? its ovwer. god, forgivwe me. guess ill commit ghost suicide AGAIN. except this time ill really do it. vwelp, this is gonna hurt.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA saying "Everything will 8e alright."  
  
CRONUS puts the gun in his mouth.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA saying "Good8ye, Cronus."  
  
CRONUS fires the gun and falls backwards in slow motion.  
  
Fade to black.  
  
Fade in to PORRIM and ARANEA dashing into the respiteblock to find CRONUS's ghost-suicide body, covered with violet.  
  
PORRIM: Wake up, Cro+nus, co+me o+n!  
  
CRONUS is clearly dead. There is blood everywhere.  
  
ARANEA: (sobbing) Is he dead? 8y god, Porrim, is he dead?  
PORRIM: He's no+t dead, he's just lo+st a lo+t of blueberry filling. Yes, he's dead. O+f co+urse he's dead!  
ARANEA: Oh my god........  
  
PORRIM slowly kisses CRONUS's lips. CRONUS's dead body kinda frenches her back. Then, PORRIM and ARANEA embrace.  
  
ARANEA: I've lost him, 8ut I'll still have you, right? Right????????  
PORRIM: Yo+u do+n't have me. Yo+u'll never have me. I am unhaveable. I am Po+rrim. And yo+u killed him.  
ARANEA: Porrim, we're free to 8e together now. I care a8out you. I'm flushed for you.  
PORRIM: Cucko+lder. Yo+u killed him. Yo+u're the cause o+f all o+f this. I'm no+t even flushed fo+r you. Get o+ut o+f my life, yo+u bitch.  
  
ERIDAN enters.  
  
ERIDAN: wwhats happening  
PORRIM: Cro+nus is dead.  
ERIDAN: wwhat  
  
ERIDAN rushes to CRONUS's body and starts to shake it.  
  
ERIDAN: wwake up cro  
ERIDAN: please wwake up  
ERIDAN: its not right  
ERIDAN: wwake up please god this isnt right  
ARANEA: 8ridan, Cronus is in a 8etter place now.  
ERIDAN: leavve us alone  
PORRIM: Do+ yo+u want to+ inhale his so+ul befo+re it dissipates?  
ERIDAN: both a you leavve noww  
PORRIM: And as far as yo+u're co+ncerned, Aranea? Yo+u can dro+p o+ff the face o+f the dreambubbles and into+ the endless black. And that's a pro+mise. Yo+u can, actually, dro+p off the face o+f the bubbles.  
ERIDAN: just leavve both a you  
PORRIM: Leave him, alright? Let Eridan be with Cro+nus.  
ERIDAN: wwhy cro  
ERIDAN: wwhy  
ERIDAN: cro wwhy  
ERIDAN: just wwhy  
  
ERIDAN sobs. PORRIM and ARANEA, who were in the process of leaving, rejoin ERIDAN and comfort him. Enforcemalinger sirens sound. The three of them appear to take turns fellating CRONUS's corpse as general enforcemalinger chatter overlays the scene.  
  
Fade to black. Roll credits.  
  
vwriters note: time to showv evweryone vwhat a genius i am. theyre gonna lovwe it, i just knowv it.


End file.
